Vampires vs. Zombies

There are not many valid reasons to watch a movie that you know heading into it is going to stink. One of those reasons (and quite possibly, the only one) is to mercilessly mock the horrible acting and the restraints of the shoestring budget. I thoroughly enjoyed "Zombie Town" because even though it was a bad movie, it was entertaining in its badness. You could tell the creators love movies and tried their best to make a good one. They just couldn't afford it and made due with what they had. They had a plot, a climax and even some backstory. Everything about the movie was bad, but they kind of knew it, which made it all the more fun.

On the other hand, there is no joy in Vampires vs. Zombies. Faced with the same budget constraints as any independent film, they chose to spend the money on a blender with no lid, threw their script into it and produced a movie that is so incomprehensibly bad, it's not even funny. First of all, [SPOILER ALERT] there is absolutely no interaction between the vampires and the zombies in a movie that is entitled VAMPIRES VS. ZOMBIES! If that's not a cardinal sin in itself, then get this- the zombies have nothing to do with the "plot" of the movie. I use plot in quotations because the things that do happen make no sense at all- but I COULD figure out that it had nothing to do with zombies. It would be like Twilight taking place in the mall from Dawn of the Dead with none of the characters ever noticing the undead running around. Even Jack and Rose eventually noticed that the Titanic was sinking. This film takes place during a zombie plague but has nothing to do with a zombie plague, except for when a character hears news about it on the radio or runs over a zombie for fun.

Even worse than the zombies being a non-factor, was the fact that the movie is boring and makes no sense. I can't even begin to explain how unexplainable this jumbled mess is. I'd be happy to try if you would like to contact me personally, but make sure you have a first aid kit for when my ears start bleeding.

Nevertheless, there are some LOL moments of low budget hilarity that I was able to glean from this brain-numbing experience, which I will now present in list form. I implore you to just take my word for it and never give this movie even a minute of your time.

-The movie's about vampires, but takes place exclusively in the daytime, where the vampires are fully functional monsters.

-There is a long (and boring) scene where the three mains are trying to hide a dead vampire they killed from a cop. [I thought something nefarious was afoot because the cop was the same lady who played one of the mastermind vampires, but in the end, I think they were just re-using an actress] Anyway, they get out of that jam without being discovered. Later, as they approach a soldier in the road, one of the girls mentions how the dead body is no big deal if its discovered because they killed in self-defense.

-The movie was made in 2004, but somehow the cellphones look like one step up from the Zack Morris special.

-One character kidnaps another and throws her in the backseat of the car where she cannot, for the life of her, open the doors to get out. Later, when it turns out to be mistaken identity, he tells her to get out of the car and she does. So either she was too panicked at first to figure out how to unlock a door, or they didn't show the guy off-screen hitting the lock button on his keychain over and over again.

-Two of the mains are traveling in an open-topped Jeep, so naturally you would not be able to hear what they were saying if they were traveling over 5 mph. What they are saying is how they will catch up to Dad in no time flat.-One girl has no less than ten dream sequences which she wakes up startled or screaming from every single time. She even wakes up from one while behind the wheel of an automobile. I guess it was fine since they were only going 5 mph.-One girl saves her companions from a vampire only to kill them both in the very next scene because she's in cahoots with another vampire. So, for one thing, why did she bother to save them? Did she want that extra sting of betrayal to send them to hell with? And secondly, the film would have been more accurately titled Vampires vs. Other Vampires On the Backdrop of a Zombie Plague.

-During one of the dream sequences, the main girl finds the bathtub filled with goo. She goes downstairs and tells dad, "There's something in the tub." Dad bolts upstairs as if he has just been told his collection of baseball cards is on fire. Next time the toilet is clogged, I'm calling 911.


Okay, that's all I can think of for now. This was much more fun to write than that movie will ever be to watch, so I guess I'm thankful for that, but overall, I'd say I now have a civic duty to make sure no one ever watches Vampires vs. Zombies on purpose. Learn from my mistakes!

As a movie: 0
As a horror movie: 1
As a zombie movie: 1 (I'd give it a 0 but there are zombies in the movie-it's just hard to tell)
As an indie movie full of unintentional comedy: 3
As a movie a horny 14 year-old boy would watch to try and see boobs: 2 (There's more vampire lesbianism than zombies, but even still, it would only be hot if you had never seen a boob before, including in the movies)

LOST- Whatever Happened, Happened

Previously on LOST: Sawyer found out he had a kid, Kate befriended the mother, Sawyer jumped off the helicopter, Kate decided to unofficially adopt Aaron and, in 1977, young Ben broke Sayid out of jail only to get shot by him in return.

Things pick up right where they left off last week- Jin is stirred to consciousness by Phil calling him on the walkie. Jin knows that Sayid is heading north because he was attacked by him. That's good work. I wouldn't know which way the assailant went if I got mugged; I'd just be crying. Jin finds young Ben gravely wounded and loads the dying boy into his van.

Back at Dharmatown, Horace is rallying the troops to prepare for another attack. Jack has the audacity to question Horace's assumption that Sayid set the Dharma van on fire, which seems to ruffle the Dharma leader's feathers a little. I'm sure what's really perturbing him is that he knows there was no security breach and therefore, someone on the inside had to have helped Sayid. Meanwhile, Ben's dad asks for Kate's help getting the extinguished van dislodged from the side of the house and quickly deduces that she has no idea what she's doing. "I guess they couldn't sucker anybody into getting on that sub if they told us we were going to be greasemonkeys and janitors." They shake hands and make friends. Luckily Roger doesn't notice the strange look on Kate's face when she figures out that she just met Ben's dad. Just then, Jin returns and Roger goes running after him in a panic when he sees his boy is injured.

Kate flashes back, er, forward, uh, she thinks about when she got off the island the first time and carried out her promise to Sawyer. Pretty obviously, that promise was to check on his daughter, Clementine. Cassidy answers the door, happy to see her old friend again. The mood turns quickly, however, when Kate reveals that Sawyer sent her. Cue creepy LOST title screen.

During the commercial, Kate gets Cassidy up to speed on WHAT REALLY HAPPENED. Cassidy sees Sawyer jumping off the chopper as an act of cowardice, not heroism. She is not surprised to learn that the money Kate is trying to fork out isn't even Sawyer's. "Is it his?" she asks Kate, referring to Aaron. Cassidy can tell from Kate's practiced answer about her pregnancy that the baby is not even hers. But why would Kate trust Cassidy with the truth about the island and then lie about Aaron? "Because I have to," Kate says with a forced smile.

In '77, Horace and Sawyer check out Sayid's cell and find the janitor's keys still in the keyhole. This leaves three suspects, one of them Jack. Outside, Sawyer tells Miles to round up the O6ers and keep them under unofficial house arrest. Things are starting to spin out of control. At the infirmary, Sawyer runs into Roger and asks him for his keys, which the janitor can not produce. Case solved! A look of realization comes over Roger's face as Sawyer goes inside to get a medical update from Juliet. Juliet, the car mechanic! Why does no one question this?? Inside, Sawyer learns that Juliet can do little to help Ben- he needs a real surgeon. And Sawyer just happens to know of one!

Meanwhile, Miles informs the gang of Sawyer's house arrest plan, which Jack doesn't take kindly to. Miles laughs at Hurley's notion that they are all going to disappear because Sayid changed the future by killing Ben. Miles restates Daniel's thesis that whatever happened, happened. Hey, that's the name of this episode! Sayid always shot little Ben in 1977, they all just hadn't experienced it yet. This only leaves Hurley more confused. Sawyer bursts in and asks Jack for his help with Ben. Jack shocks everyone by refusing to help, fully prepared to let Ben just die.

Later, Kate tries to play the "he's just a boy" card, but Jack is not biting. He says he is done trying to fix everything because he was only getting in the island's way. Kate storms out of the house and "surprisingly", Miles does not make good on his earlier threat to shoot anyone who leaves in the leg. Kate then turns up at the infirmary to offer her blood as a universal donor to young Ben Linus. While Kate gives blood, Juliet asks what's going on with Kate and Jack and learns that the two used to be engaged. Roger comes in to get an update and agrees to stay with Kate while Juliet gets back to work. He reveals with very real pain and regret how Ben stole his keys to break Sayid out and get away from him. He now has to cope with how terrible a father he has been.

Back at the house, Miles is getting more and more frustrated as Hurley tries to wrap his brain around all this time travel business. Miles begs Hurley to shoot him. Hurley says Miles can't die in 1977 because then he will never come to the island 30 years later. Miles assures him that he can die because he has already experienced coming back to the island. Hurley then asks why adult Ben, while being captured and tortured in the hatch by Sayid, would not remember being shot as a kid by that exact same guy. Miles finally concedes a point to Hurley and everyone is just as confused as ever.

[My take on the whole thing, which may or may not help you: Their minds and bodies are moving in a normal, human chronology, but their life experiences are not.]

At the infirmary, Juliet sends Roger off to get more supplies, telling him that his boy is stable. She then confides to Kate that that is not exactly good enough. They begin to discuss their options and a look of sick, frustrating, gosh-darn-it-all-ness sweeps over Juliet's face. The Others can help.

Kate and Juliet load Ben into a Dharma van and Kate gets to experience the other end of the line she usually says. "I'm coming with you." Kate insists that Juliet can't come because she has too much to lose. Kate has much less of an established life in the Dharma Inititative and can more afford to go on this crazy adventure. Juliet says she will stall Sawyer as long as she can.

Back at the pivotal dock scene in Oceanic Six time, Kate finds out the plan to go back to the island and leaves in disgust. Aaron wants some milk so she takes him to the grocery store. Inside, she gets a call from Jack that she chooses to ignore, but when she turns around, her boy has disappeared! After a few panicky moments, she finds Aaron at the front of the store walking away and holding a blonde woman's hand. The woman explains that the boy looked LOST so she was taking him up front to have an announcement made. Kate thanks the woman and hugs Aaron tight.

In '77, Kate arrives at the sonic fence and gets out to check on Ben. The dying boy asks her to tell his dad he's sorry he took the keys. Kate looks terrified as another van approaches her. It is Sawyer, but he is not there to stop her. He is there to help.

Back in O6 time, Kate has returned to visit Cassidy, as apparently their friendship has been repaired and maintained over the last three years. Cassidy is also surprised that Jack and company want to go back to the island. Kate then recounts the tale of how she LOST Aaron in the store and wonders why she more than half expected him to be taken. "Because you took him," Cassidy replies. Kate says Claire was gone- she had to help the baby because he needed her. Cassidy tells her friend knowingly that Sawyer broke her heart and Kate was the one who needed Aaron.

Back in '77, Kate asks Sawyer why he is helping. He says it's because Juliet asked him to. No matter what Ben may grow up to be, they can't just let a kid die. Back at the house, Juliet dismisses Miles and Hurley so she can confront Jack in the shower. And she sees his whole con-front. She expresses her sadness and disappoinment that Jack wouldn't help her in the infirmary. She doesn't need his help, she just wants to know why he came back. Jack again spouts that Locke-esque "nonsense" about the island and purpose and destiny, even though he doesn't yet know what he's supposed to do. "Well, you better figure it out," Juliet tells him with a pained look on her face.

In the jungle, Kate tells Sawyer how she did what he asked and helped Clementine. Sawyer asks about Cassidy and Kate tells him Casssidy's theory about why he jumped. Sawyer's face says that he can't disagree with his ex's assessment of him. He tells Kate that he never could have been her boyfriend because he wasn't cut out for it at the time. Kate mentions how well he's doing with Juliet and Sawyer agrees, saying he has grown up a lot in three years. Before things can get any mushier, the two are confronted by the Others, who have their guns drawn. Sawyer demands to be taken to Richard Alpert.

Back in the future, Kate visits Claire's mother at the motel and comes clean about everything, including how she has a grandson and how Claire is still alive. Kate tells her that she is checked in with Aaron two doors down and the boy knows that his grandmother will be taking care of him. As for Kate, she is heading back to the island to find Claire. In her room later, Kate strokes Aaron's hair and cries while he sleeps. This is good-bye...probably forever.

In '77, the Others are marching their prisoners to see Richard, when he suddenly just appears like he already knew they were coming. Richard correctly identifies the hurt boy as Ben Linus, which startles Sawyer. Richard can help the boy but...

"If I take him, he's not ever going to be the same again...he'll forget this ever happened and...his innocence will be gone. He will always be one of us."

Uh, what the hell does that all mean? But, sure, go ahead and take him anyway.

Richard takes Ben in his arms and is questioned by one of his Other buddies about doing it without asking Ellie or Charles. Hmmm. Richard says he doesn't answer to them and walks away. He keeps walking until he gets to the temple, where he ominously takes young Ben through its mysterious doors.

Back in the most present of all LOST's presents, Locke watches Ben wake up from his encounter with the business end of an oar and welcomes him back to the "land of the living." Hardy har har, I thought of that one while I was creepily staring at your unconscious body! That was a good one, right?

Next time: The holes in Ben's post-island story are filled in, such as, how did he get so badly beaten! Yay!

LOST- He's Our You

Turns out the island still needed me, so I'm back after two years. Let's get right into it.

Previously on LOST, young Ben Linus met a disheveled hostile named Richard in the jungle, who told him to be patient. Years later, adult Ben hired Sayid to kill all the Widmore boys who might hurt Sayid's buddies. Still later, Sayid was transported back to the island and captured as a hostile by Jin. Oh, and it's the 70's so it's not really "later" at all. Ugh!

If there's one thing we've learned about Sayid, it's that his flashbacks are boring and predictable. When he was a boy in Iraq, his brother (?) friend (?) who cares (?) was assigned to kill a chicken but the future PETA member couldn't do it. Young boy Sayid broke a chicken's neck and handed it over, but the other boy wouldn't go along with the ruse. Dad was impressed by Sayid's killer instinct and told him he would be a man.

In 1977, young Ben Linus has taken an active interest in Sayid, the hostile prisoner. Phil tries to talk him out of bringing in another sandwich since Sayid is not eating, but Ben insists. He tells Sayid the story of how he met Richard and says that if Sayid is patient, like Ben has been, then Ben can help him. Cue creepy LOST title screen.

During the Oceanic Six days, Sayid was a hired assassin and here he is again, breaking into a panicked man's apartment and shooting him dead. The attempted bribe did not work. Sayid meets Ben in a back alley and is informed that the list is complete. Assignment over. Instead of being happy, Sayid seems to take this news like a teenager being dumped. So Ben doesn't even want to go out for cake to celebrate? That's it?? Ben tells him to go live his life.

In 1977, a grim-looking Horace enters Sayid's cell with an implement of torture, but it's a fake out. He just cuts the restraints off Sayid's wrists. Horace introduces himself and asks what Sayid was doing in the jungle, but Sayid remains silent. Horace gives him an hour to decide to talk or the stakes will get higher.

Elsewhere, Sawyer finds Juliet sadly staring out their window and asks what's up? She thinks their time playing house together is over. She never thought the O6 would come back, thus implying that maybe she didn't even want them to. She is concerned that Sayid will give them all away. Sawyer assures her he has things under control, but he uses his extra sweet voice. Ya know, distract her with kindness. Because the look on his face when Horace shows up and says there's a problem with the prisoner reveals that Sawyer is far from in control. Horace wants to bring in Oldham but Sawyer is against using "that psychopath." Instead, he offers to talk to the prisoner himself...alone.

Sawyer barges into the security station and dismisses Phil from his post. And finally, Sawyer and Sayid get to have a little quality time to work out a plan. Sayid asks how Sawyer can live there with Ben and Sawyer replies that he has no choice. Sawyer enters the cell and headbutts his friend, starting a fight. Sawyer's plan is to make it look like Sayid struggled with him as Sawyer beat a confession out of him. Then they'll say that Sayid gave up intel on the hostiles in exchange for living there with them. Voila! Problem solved. Except for......

Oh yeah, Sayid doesn't like that plan. He doesn't want to live there with them in perfect Dharma harmony. He would rather just be let go. Sawyer can't do that because he is trusted and it would blow his cover. It's either join the party or be on your own. "Then I guess I'm on my own," Sayid says determinedly.

In the Dharma cafeteria, Kate asks Jack what the plan is, but what she doesn't understand is that Jack is no longer the man with the plan. This is the new "go with the flow" Jack and he is leaving everything up to Sawyer. Happily, too. Hurley mentions the other elephant in the room (that wasn't a fat joke, I swear)- the fact that Sawyer and Juliet are together now. Kate looks understandably sad. Is it too late to change my mind about getting on that flight? Oh, crap, it is!

Back at the cell, Ben's dad, the janitor, starts mopping up and makes fun of Sayid for getting caught. Ben comes in with more food for the prisoner and receives a verbal, then physical beat down from his angry father. Sayid is shocked and angry but can do nothing from behind bars except glare. Glare and think.

He thinks about when he was building houses in the Dominican Republic and Ben came by to see him. Ben tells him about the new danger. Locke is dead and there's a thug staking out Hurley's mental institute. Sayid, still feeling like the jilted lover, questions why he should help Ben again. "You're capable of things most other men aren't," Ben tells him. Sayid says he doesn't like killing people. Ben apologizes for calling him a killer. (It was a compliment, man!) Ben walks away defeated, but not really, as we and probably he knows.

Back in '77, Sawyer is back with a security team. When Sayid remains silent during his last chance, Sawyer has no choice but to stun him and order, "Take him to Oldham."

Oldham is a creepy looking loner who lives on the outskirts of Dharmatown in a teepee. Sayid asks Sawyer who he is and Sawyer replies in a whisper, "He's our you." Hey, that's the name of this episode! Sayid tries to struggle so security ties him to a tree where he is force-fed Oldham's special brand of truth serum. That smell is Sawyer's trousers.

Back at the pier in 2007, Sayid dismisses himself from Ben's O6 reunion and goes off to a bar. He meets a beautiful woman and aw, hell, I'll just skip this part because it's boring and obvious and I mean, really, didn't we go through this exact same thing in Sayid's last episode, "The Economist?" Oh, and is the mysterious Economist dead? Ben said the list was complete! What the hell? Anyway, whats-her-name seduces Sayid, kicks him in the face and says he is going to Guam to answer for the murder of the dude from the golfcourse.

In 1977, Sayid's drugs are taking effect and he loopily answers question #1. His name is Sayid Jarrah. Then the fun really begins as Sayid is forced to spill, via truth serum, how he really came to be on the island...twice! And he knows the purposes of three Dharma stations- including the Swan which hasn't been built yet! He's from the future and you're all going to die! Wheeeeee!!! Fortunately for Sawyer and everyone else we know and love, this all sounds like crazy nonsense. Oldham apologizes for using too strong a concoction. In one of the best moments of the season, a loopy and defeated Sayid laughs maniacally and says that the dose was exactly enough. I think he finally reached that Jack-like breaking point. You win, island! Let's just do what you will!

At the motor pool, apparently no one has questioned why Juliet was suddenly an expert baby deliverer and she's back to fixing Mystery Mobiles. She has a tense and overly-polite, faux-friendly conversation with Kate about how she and Sawyer are together now.

That night, Horace has a meeting in his home with all the Dharma team leaders about what to do with Sayid. Radzinsky wants to kill him. They have no choice. He knows too much. Sawyer, obviously, is against this but slowly and surely, the argument begins to favor Radzinsky. Even the reluctant and possibly benevolent Horace calls for execution when it's finally put to a vote. He turns to Sawyer, the lone "nay" vote and says that he would really like to call it unanimous. Giving in to peer pressure and self-preservation, Sawyer has no choice but to raise his hand and vote his friend dead.

Saywer's last ditch plan is to have it look like Sayid beat him up and escaped. But Sayid will not go, even in the face of execution. Sayid explains that when he woke up in the jungle and realized where he was, he felt he had no purpose left. But now he knows what it is. Sawyer thinks he's crazy for thinking his purpose is to get shot and leaves the cell in a huff.

Sawyer gets to his own doorstep, pauses and walks over to Kate's house. Oh, so it's starting already. Poor Juliet! He asks why she came back (and messed up everything!!!!!) Kate says she only knows why she came back. (LOST- proudly serving answers that don't answer anything since 2004!) Before the conversation can go further, they are distracted by the old flaming Dharma van crashing into a house and starting a massive fire trick. The fire brigade springs into action and saves the occupants of the house. Jack asks what happened and Sawyer says, "Three years and no burning buses! Ya'll are back for one day..." (and messed up everything!!!!!!) And that line cements in Sawyer the opinion that Juliet expressed earlier. They waited so long for something that they forgot why they were waiting... and maybe they didn't even want it anymore.

The burning bus, it turns out, was young Ben's plan to distract everyone so he could spring Sayid from jail. Sayid plays along and says that he has been sent to get Ben. They run off together into the jungle and I think it's safe to assume what Sayid thinks his new purpose is. Because he's boring and predicatable. Jin finds the two runaways and starts to call it in, but Sayid kicks his butt and takes his gun. Then he says, "You were right about me. I am a killer." Sayid pulls the trigger and shoots the surprised boy dead. Predictable in execution, gigantic in canonical implications!

Next time: Horace knows someone let Sayid out of his cell and Sawyer's long con starts crumbling down thanks to those damned O6ers!

Top 101 of 2008

101. White Winter Hymnal- Fleet Foxes
100. Between Us & Them- Moving Units
99. Mother Mary- Foxboro Hot Tubs
98. Language City- Wolf Parade
97. Better Things- Passion Pit
96. One Month Off- Bloc Party
95. Let’s Dance To Joy Division
94. Elvis- These New Puritans
93. Sausalito- Conor Oberst
92. You! Me! Dancing!- Los Campesinos!
91. Top Drawer- Man Man
90. GfC- Albert Hammond Jr.
89. California Girls- The Magnetic Fields
88.Cath…- Death Cab For Cutie
87. Futures & Folly- Blitzen Trapper
86. The Age of the Understatement- The Last Shadow Puppets
85. While We Go Dancing- White Rabbit
84. Bathosphere- Smog
83. You Don’t Know Me- Ben Folds w/Regina Spektor
82. Working Part Time- The Henry Clay People
81. Buildings & Mountains- The Republic Tigers
80. For Emma- Bon Iver
79. Rat is Dead- CSS
78. Creeper- Islands
77. Seeing Hands- Dengue Fever
76. The Step & The Walk- The Duke Spirit
75. Alarm Clock- The Rumble Strips
74. Dawn of the Dead- Does it Offend You, Yeah?
73. New Soul- Yael Naim
72. I Will Possess Your Heart- Death Cab For Cutie
71. Shut Up and Let Me Go- The Ting Tings
70. The Kelly Affair- Be Your Own Pet
69. Sax Rohmer #1- The Mountain Goats
68. Fools -The Dodos
67. Get Better- Mates of State
66. Is There a Ghost- A Band of Horses
65. Mirando- Ratatat
64. Highways of Gold- Jaguar Love
63. Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa- Vampire Weekend
62. Keep Your Eyes Ahead- The Helio Sequence
61. Regrets a Paradise- Japanese Motors
60. A & E- Goldfrapp
59. Ghosts- Ladytron
58. Paper Planes- MIA
57. Lights & Music- Cut Copy
56. Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?- She & Him
55. Hummingbird- Born Ruffians
54. Cannibal Queen- Miniature Tigers
53. Oxford Comma- Vampire Weekend
52. Sex on Fire- Kings of Leon
51. The Plot- White Rabbits
50. Take Me To the Riot- Stars
49. No One’s Gonna Love You- A Band of Horses
48. Hang Them All- Tapes ’n’ Tapes
47. Balloons- Foals
46. The Beginning of the Twist- Futureheads
45. The Engine Driver- The Decemberists
44. Veni Vidi Vici- The Black Lips
43. The Nun’s Litany- The Magnetic Fields
42. Sour Cherry- The Kills
41. Lucid Dreams- Franz Ferdinand
40. Do The Panic- Phantom Planet
39. Second, Minute or Hour- Jack Penate
38. Lolita- Throw Me the Statue
37. Grounds For Divorce- Elbow
36. Publish My Love- Rogue Wave
35. My Drive-Thru- Santogold, Julian Casablancas and N.E.R.D.
34. Sentimental Heart- She & Him
33. West Coast- Coconut Records
32. A-Punk- Vampire Weekend
31. I Woke Up Today- Port O’Brien
30. Please Stop Dancing- The Magnetic Fields
29. Skinny Love- Bon Iver
28. Some Are Lakes- Land of Talk
27. Walk it Off- The Breeders
26. Lovely Allen- Holy Fuck
25. Homecoming- The Teenagers
24. Featherbeds- Oxford Collapse
23. Grip Like a Vice- The Go! Team
22. Kids- MGMT
21. Mercury- Bloc Party
20. No Sex For Ben- The Rapture
19. Rich Girls- The Virgins
18. Big Mistake- Tim Fite
17. Good to Sea- Pinback
16. That’s Not My Name- The Ting Tings
15. 2 Atoms in a Molecule- Noah & The Whale
14. Little Bit- Lykke Li
13. Rocky Took a Lover- Bell X1
12. Oh No You Didn’t!- Wojahn Bros
11. Electric Feel- MGMT
10. I’m Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You- Black Kids
9. Handlebars- Flobots
8. Bruises- Chairlift
7. Great DJ- The Ting Tings
6. No Children- The Mountain Goats
5. Bag of Hammers- Thao Nguyen
4. Time To Pretend- MGMT
3. L.E.S. Artistes- Santogold
2. URA Fever- The Kills
1. Five Years Time- Noah and the Whale

Bullet Points

• I am wearing a sweatshirt with the sleeves rolled up and a long-sleeved T-shirt without the sleeves rolled up. I've never seen this done and I am going to keep doing it until I see someone else doing it. I invented a style! I think. My wife says I look stupid. She may not have been referring to my clothes, though.
• Regardless of the fact that I don't get NFL Network and can't watch the game anyway, I find Thursday night football utterly annoying. It's oversaturation. We don't need games on Sunday, Monday and Thursday and sometimes Saturday. I like to take all week to think about the games and who I'm going to pick. Now I have to rush my picks in because the deadline got pushed back three days for the sake one of stupid game I can't watch and don't care about! Annoying.
• Yesterday on my way home from work, I saw a house fully decorated for Christmas. Lights, gigantic Santa blow-up- the works. Trying to make Christmas last four months is annoying enough when retail stores do it, but there is no commercial gain for someone to decorate their house 2 months in advance! When I used to say things like, "I can't wait for summer vacation!" my mother used to say, "You're wishing your life away!" And I think to a degree, we all do that. We look forward to things that are going to happen more than we enjoy the things that are happening now. "Why should I have to wait for something? That's boring! I'll just make it Christmas now and put up my decorations!" In that spirit, I'm totally making my Best of 2008 song list and posting it within the next week. Hey, the second week of November is practically the end of the year, right? I'm too excited about it to do any of that stupid waiting stuff.

The Worst Week

My favorite new show of the TV season is "Worst Week". That show has made me LOL literally in three out of four episodes.

Since Hollywood rarely has an original thought, it was no surprise that "Worst Week" is yet another Americanized version of a British show. So out of curiosity, I watched the first season of the BBC's "Worst Week of My Life." Though I haven't seen Season 2 or 3 because they are not yet available here, I am happy to report that the two shows are very different. The US version seems to be only inspired by the original, instead of a word for word remake like The Office was at first. The premise is exactly the same- likeable guy who can't do anything right exasperates his inlaws. But the plotlines have been completely different with almost no stolen gags.

Spoilers ahead...

I was expecting the British version to be even more madcap than America's but it is actually more morbid. The British version has a subplot of Howard being stalked by his ex-lover for the entire week, which eventually builds into the focal point of the last episode. The American version is significantly tamer by comparison. Instead of a co-worker stalking him, Sam had only to deal with a drunk co-worker who he dropped off at her house after she came on to him. Perhaps more will come of that, but for now, she has not been heard from again.

The accidental death of the family pet was toned down from "dog in a cement mixer" to "parakeet being poisoned." I shouldn't even have to tell you which one was funnier- you can probably deduce it from shock value alone.

All in all, both shows have their charm and I like them both equally. I can't pick one over the other- which is, I suppose, a compliment to the version that came second. They are different enough that you don't have to choose.

Worst Week: A The Worst Week of My Life: A

Relaunch

AOL threatening to delete my old journal really bugged me. I may not have written in it anymore, but I still used it for research (like what songs I used to like) or for nostalgia purposes. I'm glad that I was able to keep the archives on Blogger. I'm thinking about starting to write here again. Start over. Maybe make some new friends. I met so many people back in 2004-2005 and now it seems lately like I have nobody left. Of the dozen or so people I befriended, I have 2 left. They are 2 of my very best friends, but still, only 2? Out of all of AOL Journal-land? I want to fix this.

The New One

The VCH is no more.  I started a new livejournal.  I hope you follow me there.  If not, thanks for reading. 

My new blog is here:   The Blue-Collar Scholar

Also, I posted every LOST recap I have ever written into a seperate livejournal.  It has all of Seasons 1 & 2 and the parts of Season 3 I completed.  I really slacked off this year and for that, I apologize.  All of the "coming soons" will be replaced eventually.  I promise.

LOST Recap Central

See ya!

Hello

Sorry to anyone who checks here everyday to see if I have posted anything.  I really thought there was no one left out there. 

I haven't had much opportunity to write in here because of a lot of stuff going on, but I was thinking about giving this journal up anyway.  I am going to move to an internet journal very soon.  My PC wouldn't open AOL for a while (and now has no net connection at all!) so I couldn't even post from the other room while my wife used the laptop.  When I decide where to go, I will let you know here. 

The one thing I am definitely going to do when I get enough time to do it is collect all my LOST recaps and put them in their own journal so anyone can access them at anytime.  I will try to catch up on all the episodes I missed and put the whole show in order.  It would be a lot easier than digging through the archives of a three year old journal looking for original airdates.

Thanks for reading and stay tuned here for further announcements.  :)

The Expert

Out of 321 participants, I am currently in 15th.

4 points away from 10th, which is the first spot that pays out.

 I don't follow college b-ball in the slightest, yet somehow I managed to get the Final Four exactly right.

Now go Georgetown!

LOST- Episode 61: The Man From Tallahassee

  Previously on LOST:  Locke woke up from the plane crash with the ability to walk, remembered the time his dad stole his kidney and went with Kate to rescue Jack, who actually may not want to be rescued.

  Things kick off in flashback land where Mr. Locke is balder than he usually is in his memories.  He is answering personal questions to some stiff office lady who is filling out a form.  Locke is trying to continue getting disability benefits but is refused because he won't attend his therapy sessions.  He doesn't feel they are doing anything to help his depression.  Then he gets up and walks away.   Fooled ya.

  In the present, the Rescue Rangers are still lurking in the bushes, stunned by the sight of Jack playing football with Tom and Juliet.  Kate seems particurly intrigued by J and J touching arms and walking away together.  At the same time, Sayid notices that Rousseau has disappeared again.  Locke pulls out his binoculars and watches Jack shake hands with a wheelchair bound Ben.  "This is going to be more complicated than we thought," Locke says with a frown.  Cue creepy LOST title screen.

  Kate locks and loads and is ready to go in guns blazing but Sayid stops her.   He and Locke agree that Jack must have a plan of some kind and that they should get to him at night when he is alone.  Locke then flashes back to his lonely life full of dinners for one and TV movies.  There is a knock on the door and Locke reluctantly meets a young man named Peter.  Peter suspects his mom's new boyfriend is conning his mom and has followed the trail back to John Locke, who happened to donate a kidney to the man.  Locke looks at the picture of the man he knows as his father, Anthony Cooper, but denies ever meeting him.  He insists that the organ donation was anonymous and sends Peter packing. 

  In the present, night has fallen and the crew watches as Jack says good night to Juliet and enters a building alone.  They split up- Sayid covering the front, Locke covering the back and Kate going in to get Jack.  She finds him peacefully playing the piano and they share an awkward hello.  Jack tells her to get lost, not that he's not grateful and all, but They are watching.  Sure enough, the Others come busting in with guns and take Kate down.  They have Sayid too.  The new Danny asks who else is with them, and Kate says that they are alone.  This leaves Locke free to save the day except...

  ...Locke is not covering the back of the house.  He is in Ben's bedroom with his gun pointed straight at the leader of the Others.  Ben offers to tell him where Jack is, but Locke says he is not looking for Jack.  He is looking for the submarine.  Ben plays dumb, but Locke sees through it, mentioning how he got the information from Mikhail right before he killed him.  Alex enters the room against her father's warning and Locke grabs her.  There is a knock on the door so Locke takes the girl into the closet and waits.  Tom enters to inform Ben about Kate and Sayid.  Tom gets his orders and leaves while Ben continues to talk to a man named Richard.  (No one on this show, be they crash survivor, Other or flashback person has the same name as anyone else.  Explain that mystery, writers!)  Ben instructs Richard to get the man from Tallahassee.  BOM BOM BOM!  Locke emerges from the closet thinking that that line was some kind of code for danger, but Ben denies it.  Next Locke demands that Alex go and get him Sayid's backpack.

  Locke flashes back to a flower shop where he has tracked down dear old Dad shopping for flowers for his wedding.  They step aside to speak in whispers.  Locke reveals that he found his dad because the son came to him and is on to the scam.  Locke demands that his father break the engagement and leave immediately before more people get hurt and Dad agrees to do it without so much as an argument.  Yeah, cause that's how things work in all the other times we've seen this relationship. 

  Back in Ben's house, Ben uses his mind games to get Locke to help him into his wheelchair.  Ben doesn't seem to think that Locke has any intention of using the sub to escape.  He has deduced, of course correctly, that since Locke met Mikhail and found the Flame, that he must have taken some C4 with the intention to blow up the sub.  A big leap in deduction, but I'll roll with it since Ben is always so all-knowingly powerful.  They play the same game Mikhail played last week where Locke thinks Ben doesn't know him, but Ben reveals one tidbit after another, proving the opposite to be true.  Ben even adds that he knows Locke was in a wheelchair and he knows how he ended up in it.  Ben asks if it hurt.   "I felt my back break.  What do you think?" John answers.

  Meanwhile, Kate is in the Othersville Pool Hall where she pulls her handcuffed arms around her legs to get her hands back in front of her just as Tom walks in to see her do it.  Awkward!  But Tom is only there to allow Jack to speak to her and leaves the two of them alone with a warning for Jack to be careful.  He explains that this is where the Others live and that the kidnapped children are safe.  Kate is incredulous at this patented Other 'answer without answering' and asks if he is with Them now.  Jack says he is not with anybody.  Kate says she didn't think he meant it when he said not come back.  She kneels down in front of him and sadly takes his hands in hers.  Jack tells her that he made a deal and he gets to go home first thing in the morning.  Juliet interrupts the bittersweet tender moment and tells Jack that they have to go.  Jack gets up and tells Kate that he will come back for her.

  In the past, Locke returns to his apartment complex from doing some shopping and finds two detectives waiting for him.  They ask him if he knows Peter but he denies it.  They press him until he admits that Peter did come to his door but he doesn't know him.  They want to know why Locke's name and number were in the boy's pocket.  Locke wonders why they were going through Peter's pockets, but he pretty much knows the grim answer- Peter is dead. 

  In the present, Ben and Locke continue to wait for Alex.  Ben says it wasn't easy to be with John in Station Six of the Dharma Initiative all that time, knowing who John was and what had happened to him, but not being able to ask about it.  Locke says to ask now.  Ben asks if Locke's ability to walk returned immediately upon crashing there and Locke says yes.  Then Locke figures out where this is going.  Ben wants to know why his own recovery is taking so darn long.  Ben speculates that John is afraid to leave the island because it would mean returning to the wheelchair.  Locke responds by asking for food.

  Meanwhile, Sayid is chained to a swingset outside, when Alex shows up and says that Ben wants the prisoner's pack.  The new Danny's name is Ryan, by the way, and he hands over the bag with little question.  Sayid guesses that the girl is Alex and says so.  He knew it because she looks like her mother.  Alex says her mother is dead and Sayid's assertion that that is what They told her earns him a swift shot to the gut from Ryan, the new Danny.

  Locke and Ben are out of the bedroom now and Locke takes some leftover chicken from the fridge.  Ben, with desperation in his eyes, decides to talk John out of his plan.  He claims that most of his people were recruited and are operating under the pretense that they can leave at any time and Ben needs them to believe that.  Ben offers to help Locke understand the island.  He tries to explain the inner workings of the island in a way that John can understand.  He tells him to picture a box somewhere on the island and whatever you want to be in it can be in it when you open it up.  Locke's only response is that Ben should wish for a new submarine.  Har har.  Ben asks why John is so angry and Locke responds that Ben's people are "cheating" by using electricity and water and guns-they don't deserve to be on the island.  "How is it that you think you know this island better than I do?" Ben asks.  "Because you're in the wheelchair and I'm not".  Point for Locke!  Circle gets the square.

    Alex returns with the backpack and Locke is ready to put his plan in motion.  He says that Alex will take him to the sub, despite Ben's request that it be him instead.  Ben stops him from leaving with his last, last shot to stop Locke's plan.  He says that the beacons and communications  aren't working and once Jack leaves in the sub, it can never return, therefore making the destruction of the sub unnecessary.  Locke doesn't respond to this either and heads out the door with Alex.

  Outside, Alex tells Locke that all her father does is manipulate people and he is probably doing it to Locke.  "He makes you think it's your idea, but it's his."  They arrive at the sub and Locke lets Alex go with an apology.  Watching Alex leave from the bushes is Rousseau wearing the same grim expression she always has.

  Nice call back to the end of Season One with Locke staring down the long way down the submarine ladder after opening the hatch.  Meanwhile, as Ben puts away the leftover chicken, Jack and Juliet enter without knocking.  Jack asks for one last thing-let his friends go.  Ben says that they are only there to rescue Jack so there's no need to hold them after he is gone.  Ben gives his word that as soon as Jack is gone, he will let his prisoners go.  Oh, Jack, you just made a sucker deal!  Ben and Juliet share an emotionless good-bye, maybe partially because Ben knows he will see her again sooner rather than later. 

  As Jack, Juliet and their escorts reach the dock, they encounter Locke striding up the dock.  He quietly surrenders and accepts his capture.  Jack asks him what he is doing there and John's only answer is, "I'm sorry, Jack."   KA-BOOM!  Bye bye, submarine.  We will miss your metallic warmth and charming ability to get us off the island.

  Locke flashes back to his frantic visit to Dad's fancy apartment.  He is desperate to be assured that Dad did not kill Peter.  Dad claims that he is a con man, not a murderer.  In fact, he's in a pickle because of this tragedy.  Turns out, his bride to be called off the wedding.  Locke wants to call her to make sure this is true so Dad points to the phone.  Locke calls the bluff by going to the phone, so Dad has no choice but to lunge at his son and knock him out the window.  Unfortunately for Locke, they are eight stories up and he takes quite the fall.  I'm thinking he'll need a wheelchair.  Lucky to be alive though!  Worst of all was that Dad spilled his McCutcheon whiskey in the process.  That stuff ain't cheap.

  Locke wakes up in the hospital to learn from the detectives that Dad skipped town and could be anywhere.  Case closed!  Then an annoying orderly comes in to force Locke to do his physical therapy.  Locke is resistant and since he still has bruises on his face, I'd say the accident was, like, yesterday and dude should give him a break.  But the orderly insists and picks Locke up and sits him in his new wheelchair.  "You fell eight stories and survived.  I don't want to hear about what you can't do," the orderly tells him.  That eventually will become Locke's mantra, but for now he just wants to sit in his wheelchair and cry.

  Present day Locke is chained to a pipe and Ben and Richard enter to unlock him.  Richard has turned out to be the guy who aggressively recruited Juliet.  Ben tells John that he is not a cheater.  He was about to let Jack leave and look bad in front of his people when out of nowhere, he got exactly what he wished for-a way out in the form of John Locke and his C4.  Locke tells him not to start talking about the magic box, but Ben says he can do better and show John what came out of it.  As they walk down the hall, Ben clarifies his earlier question.  He wants to know if it hurt when his own father tried to kill him.  Ben speculates that John destroyed the submarine because he is afraid and is in the one place where his father can never find him.  Ben says Locke has a special communion with the island and he wants to help him understand it better.  Any guesses what's behind Door Number 1?  Why, it's dear old Dad, bound and gagged!

  Next time on LOST: Somebody dies and it could be because of Sun.               

   

LOST- Episode 60: Par Avion

  Previously on LOST:  Kate swore to go and get Jack back from the Others, her team found an above-ground Dharma Station manned by Mikhail, who turned out to be an Other, and Desmond warned Charlie that he was going to die.

  Things kick off with the now rare opening eyeball.  It belongs to young Claire, who has black hair in this flashback and has just woken up in a wrecked car.  She climbs out the windshield that was broken open when her mom flew threw it.  Claire wails on the pavement next to her gravely injured mum.

  In the present, Claire awakens from her dream to find that Charlie has been taking care of the baby and preparing a lavish breakfast for her on the beach.  Claire wonders why Charlie is no longer moping around and he says he has decided to stop feeling sorry for himself and seize the day. 

  Deep in the jungle, the Rescue Rangers have stopped to consult the electrical grid/map that Sayid got from the Flame Station.  Locke is not confident in the accuracy of the map, so Sayid sarcastically remarks that it couldn't be as infallible as the magic carvings on Eko's stick.  Locke points out that the stick led them to the Flame, followed by Sayid pointing out that Locke blew up the Flame.  Locke says that Sayid should have warned him about the C4 lining the basement.  An actual point-counterpoint instead of everyone just shrugging their shoulders?  A first for LOST in three seasons!  Kate stops the bickering by asking Mikhail straight up if they are going the right way.  He says yes.  Locke and Rousseau agree that Mikhail is very disposable, but Kate and Sayid want to keep him alive.  Kate tells everyone to just keep moving.

  Back at the beach, Claire and Charlie have their breakfast interrupted before it even gets started.  Desmond has emerged from the woods with a sudden great interest in what Charlie is up to.  They both know what this means and begin an awkward conversation like two kids on a first date.  Claire sees some birds flying off the island and over the ocean and runs off excitedly.  She tells the boys that she has an idea that could get them home!  Cue creepy LOST title screen.

  When Claire gets back to camp, she asks Jin for his fishing nets.  Sawyer finds her perkiness amusing, but stops short of calling her Barbie, since he lost the ping-pong bet andall.  Claire explains her plan to catch the birds and tie herself to them so she can fly off and get help.  Just kidding.  Turns out the birds are tagged by scientists and she wants to send a message out into the world.  Charlie seems very doubtful of her plan and is lost in thought when Claire starts bossing him around to help.  He thinks it's a waste of time and walks away.  Claire shoots a glance over at Desmond, who also walks away. 

  Claire flashes back to the hospital where she is being stitched up.  A cop comes in to ask her questions about the accident.  Claire had been driving the car and gets more and more defensive about her role in things.  The cop says he is not blaming her, but the questions are standard procedure when there has been a fatality.  Claire reminds him that her mother is still alive.

  It's time for a water break in the jungle, so Kate asks Rousseau why she never asks about her daughter.  Rousseau rightly points out that there is no way Alex knows who she is or that she ever cared, so what's the point of getting to know all about her?  She doesn't ask because she does not want to know the answers. 

  When the trek continues, Kate asks Mikhail how he came to be on crazy island.  Rousseau insists that everything he says will be a lie, but Mikhail seems to be a different breed of Other.  Perhaps it his role in communications that has made him more open to, ya know, communication.  He says he was recruited and came to the island by submarine.  The Others can come and go as they please, except the "come" part ended when an electromagnetic pulse knocked out the underwater beacons that lead to the island.  Kate wonders why anyone would want to come back there and Mikhail says she is not capable of understanding because she is not on "the list."  Mikhail proclaims the greatness of the man who brought him and his people here, which Kate mistakenly assumes is Ben.  Mikhail says that his present company is not on the list because they are flawed: angry, weak and frightened.  Sayid tells him not to speak to them as if he knows them, which emits a smirk from Mikhail.  Of course he doesn't know Sayid Jarrah or Kate Austen.  He claims to have a memory of Locke and begins to taunt him until Rousseau interrupts because she has found something.  They walk into a clearing and see giant pillars placed in a line to make what looks like an invisible fence.

  At the beach, Claire, Sun and Jin have put Claire's plan into action.  As Claire and Sun chop up fish to attract birds, they discuss mothers.  Sun says hers would be very disappointed that Sun is doing work and married a fisherman's son because she never worked a day in her life.  Claire seems saddened by the discussion and mentions how her mother WAS a librarian.  Sun seems interested in the past tense, but Claire speaks no more.  She flashes back to a bedside meeting with the doctor and her aunt, who doesn't seem to like Claire very much.  The doctor says that Mom may never wake up but she will be well cared for in the hospital because an anonymous someone is footing the bill.

  By the time Claire is done on memory lane the trap is set.  Unfortunately, all the birds fly away when a gunshot rings out from nearby.  Desmond apologizes and says he was hunting boar.  Claire is very suspicious, especially after Desmond stammers through his reasoning for being in the vicinity.  Claire thinks he doesn't want her to catch a bird at all.

  Back in the jungle clearing, Sayid is very cautious about going near the invisible fence.  He has noticed sensors on the sides of the pillars and thinks it's an alarm system or a trap.  Mikhail says he is right, but it hasn't functioned in years.  As Sayid checks the map to confirm Mikhail's claim that the fence surrounds the entire barracks, Locke puts down his bag and suddenly whips Mikhail into the fence.  Mikhail says thank you, then promptly foams at the mouth and drops dead.  Locke says sorry.  And really, what else can you say after becoming a murderer?

  After a commercial to ponder this development, Sayid and Kate have decided that they are mad at Locke.  Sayid has even begun to wonder why Locke is really with them.  It's not like he was exactly bosom buddies with Jack.  Kate has decided that they should go over the fence and asks for the ax.  Locke insists on getting it from his bag, which makes Sayid even more suspicious and lo and behold, when he opens the bag, he finds some C4.  Now Locke is both a murderer and a liar, liar, pants on fire.  He says you never know when C4 might come in handy, which is in the lame excuse handbook right under "It's not you, it's me'.

  Backat camp, Claire has decided she is mighty angry and accuses Charlie of being up to something.  He professes innocence, but Claire calls him a liar and tells him to stay away from the baby.

  In the past, Claire arrives at the hospital to find that her mother is being looked at by a new doctor.  It is the man we know as Christian Shepherd, Jack's dad.  It seems Claire's aunt isn't too fond of him, either.  Tempers flare and Claire learns that Shepherd is one paying the bills and that he is the father she was told was dead .  Now we all know what that means.  It means when Jack delivered Aaron, he was looking at his sister's business.

*EDIT*  Amalfimama is right.  Kate delivered Aaron.  I'm seriously starting to worry about my formerly stellar memory.

  Meanwhile, the Rescue Rangers have chopped down a tree and leaned it onto one of the pillars.  It's time to climb and Kate is up first.  She gingerly shimmies up the tree, drops down and is SAFE!  Locke goes next and also makes it.  He and Kate then take a moment to check out the dead body, man!

  At the beach, Sun tells Claire she is right to be upset and the discussion leads to Claire deciding that she is going to get some answers.  She flashes back to Dad visiting her at work in the Wild Chick Piercing and Tattoo Parlor.  Cause she's a crazy punk with BLACK hair, so that's totally where she would work!  Dad insists on a cup of coffee and then he will be gone forever.  During the coffee break, Dad tells her that he visited a lot when she was younger but stopped coming around because Mom kind of resented him having another family in the States.  Then he gets to the point.  He wants Claire to pull the plug on Mom and knows ways to get around the law.  Claire is disgusted and storms off.  Dad stops her and tells her not to keep her mom alive out of guilt.

  In the present, Claire has tracked Desmond to a more remote part of the coast where he climbs a rock and catches a bird.  Claire is amazed, yet still kind of angry and bewildered that Desmond knew exactly where to go and what to do.  Desmond points to some more rocks nearby and says that that is where Charlie fell in the water and died.  BOM BOM BOM!

  But of course Charlie is not quite dead yet-he is relaxing at camp.  Claire approaches him and revealsthat Desmond told her everything.  Charlie asks her if she believes that rubbish.  Claire flashes back to a visit with her motheryears after the prior flashbacks.  Mom is still comatose and hospitalized.  Claire reveals to her that she is pregnant and she is going to give the baby away.  Then she breaks down and apologizes for her role in the accident.  Her role being a disobedient punk kid who argued with her mother and probably caused the accident on purpose. 

  As the sun sets at the beach, Charlie reads the note Claire has written.  He says it is perfect, but I disagree since she forgot to write SEND HELP!.  Charlie attaches the note to the tagged bird and sends it off. 

  In the jungle, Sayid returns to his friends from a bit of scouting and announces, "We're here".  The gang takes a peek through the bushes and sees the suburb of Otherville complete with people biking and walking and...Jack running for his life.  Kate wants to call out to him, but Sayid puts a hand out to stop her.  Then they watch in horror as Jack completes his route, catches the football and spikes it for the touchdown!  Tom to Jack for 6!  I told you Jack and Tom were BFF!  Is Jack now a card-carrying member of the Others?

  Next time on LOST: The one we've all been waiting for!  Locke confronts Ben, but more importantly, he flashes back to how he got in the damn wheelchair.

PS- If you see a Support John McCain ad at the top of this page, please be reminded that I have no control of the ads.  I've gotten used to it for the most part, but that one struck me as a new level of wrong.  The VCH has no political allegiance.

VCH Radio 3/12/07

The latest audio version of my journal is now available. Hear my ten favorite songs of the week.

 Plus: Remembering comedian Richard Jeni.

 http://www.yousendit.com/download/T2dkcHBKYUlKV00wTVE9PQ

Still Alive

  Sorry I haven't updated in forever.  There has just been no time for anything lately.  I had to stay 2 hours late every night at work last week which put me home between 3 and 4am.  This in turn made me sleep longer and have to go to work almost as soon as I got up.  Saturday and Sunday I worked OT and last night I stayed an extra hour and a half.  Trying to score a big paycheck does not leave much room for free time. 

  In addition, our wireless router was fried by my wife doing what Vonage tech support told her to.  (Vonage= BAD.  Use at own risk.)  Plus, our DVR has gone cuckoo and decided it doesn't really care if I want to see LOST or Veronica Mars- it's not recording them!  If it had a tongue, I think it would give me the raspberries.  Fortunately, I can eventually watch those shows online, but that's why I missed the LOST recap yet again last week and might again this week.  Here, have a delicious sucks donut.

  I also haven't done an audio show in a few weeks because of snow days, school vacations, fatigue and not being able to use the laptop.

Now that I'm done crying a river, here's a few random thoughts:

-The "Company Man" episode of Heroes was freakin' awesome.  Heroes is slightly better than LOST at the moment.  The LOST continuous season, while great, really needs to pick up steam.

- I had the strange urge to watch Open Water 2, even though I hated Open Water 1, and I did end up liking it a lot better.  The premise this time is that a group of morons forget to lower the ladder on their yacht and can't get back on the boat.  It's a lot more intriguing than the first depressingly hopeless movie because this time you can see salvation right there and if they could just overcome their own stupidity, they could save themselves.  It's a definite 'yell at the screen' movie.

Winter Takes Off The Kid Gloves

TUESDAY:  12 hours until Death Storm '07.  I have taken the day off in anticipation of the 10-20" of snow we are supposed to get come nightfall.  I head to Home Depot to get an ice chopper.  Actually, I head to Wal-mart first, but they didn't have any.  Then I head to Home Depot, which has them right inside the front door.  Time spent in HD: 1 minute.  I spend all afternoon chopping ice in the driveway.  I want the driveway to be flat before Death Storm '07 arrives.  Unfortunately, the driveway is so long that I come nowhere near my goal.  Time to hope for the best.

At 9pm, Death Storm '07 arrives.  Until that point, I had been regretting taking the day off since 7 of the 10 hours I would spend at work have been fine weather-wise.  As the snow falls, and fast, I no longer regret my decision. 

WEDNESDAY:  It snows and snows and then it snows some more.  It never stops snowing.  People who have died during Death Storm that I know of: 0.  But that number could shoot up at anytime.  (Simpsons reference)  I shovel and shovel.  By the time I am done shoveling, the place where I started from needs to be shoveled again.  We are getting 1-3" an hour.  After I am done shoveling, the landlord comes by with a snowblower. 

As much as I would love to go to work, I can't because snow emergencies have been declared in every county I have to pass through.  Travel bans are issued.  When I call in to work, they give me a confirmation number, which has never happened before.  I hope it means that they are going to pay those who couldn't come in. 

THURSDAY:  I call into work again, which means when I finally go back on Monday, it will have been a week since I worked.   The irony is that all the shoveling I am doing is more work than what I actually do at work.  My back hurts and I am exhausted and grumpy.  The "good" news is that there is more snow coming tonight. 

FRIDAY:  Good Lord.  When I head out to shovel the driveway so my wife can go to work, I see that about another foot has fallen.  When will it end?  Where will I put it all?  I can not recall another winter in my adult life when I have shoveled snow over my head.  The banks are so high that I have to cross my fingers and hope for the best when I back out of the driveway.  No cars coming, no cars coming, no whammys, stop!  Go! 

  That afternoon, Kasey wants to play outside so I decide to do as much shoveling and ice chopping as I can muster the strength to do.  I am defeated.  Demoralized.  My back hurts and I can't do this anymore.  I say I can't do this anymore out loud.  Then my next door neighbor, Paul, shows up and says his buddy is coming with a plow and he'll do my driveway too.  (Our driveways touch so he kind of has to.)  I make a mental note to submit this to the Vatican as proof of God.

  I continue to shovel so that I can get the car out of the way when I hear a KABOOM!  It seems a gigantic sheet of ice with icicles still attached has just fallen off the roof.  It came about 6 inches from hitting my car.  (I should also mention that ice falling on Monday cracked my wife's windshield.  We had it replaced and the landlord offered to take it off our rent.  Nice guy.)  The ice missed my car by 6 inches and ME by a foot.  It was a total WHOA moment for me.  I pick up the 40 or 50 pounds of the Abominable Snowman's dentures and toss them into a snowbank.  As I do this, the next gigantic ice block slides off the roof and hits the spot where I had been standing during the first KABOOM!  Basically, if the things had fallen in a different order, I'd be dead. 

People who have died during Death Storm '07 that I know of:  Still 0.  Barely.

 

LOST- Episode 56: Flashes Before Your Eyes

  Previously on LOST: Desmond woke up naked in the jungle with the ability to see the future.

  Welcome back to the most comprehensive LOST recap on the web. Even better than the one at Entertainment Weekly. Though I do enjoy the puns in their titles. Writing puns for EW is my dream job! Anyway...

  As Desmond stands on the beach looking contemplative, Charlie and Hurley are busy raiding Sawyer’s tent. Desmond approaches and says that he needs them to come with him. They head into the jungle and find Locke and Sayid waiting for them. Locke explains that Mr. Eko is dead-that the island killed him. As characters with names and speaking parts, they need Charlie and Hurley to help keep the others calm when the news is broken on the beach. Desmond seems a little distracted as this conversation is going on. Suddenly, he bolts toward the beach without a word of explanation. Once there, he rips off his shirt and shoes and dives into the ocean. It appears there is someone else in the water. When Charlie realizes that Claire is missing, he heads for the water himself, but Des already has the job done and has pulled Claire to safety.  Des performs CPR as a frantic Charlie hovers over them. As Desmond carries the revived Claire to her tent, Charlie wonders how Desmond knew. Hurley matter-of-factly states that Des can see the future...dude. Cue creepy LOST title screen.

Later, as Desmond stares at his photo of himself with his long lost love, Penelope, Claire approaches to thank him for saving her. Charlie breaks up the meeting and gives Des a menacing glare. After handing the baby off to Claire, Charlie and Hurley begin to discuss the notion that Desmond can see the future. Charlie intends to find out what happened to Des after Station Three imploded and he intends to find out by getting the Scotsman drunk.

The two buddies find Desmond on the beach and Charlie apologizes for not being more grateful to Des for saving his girlfriend. Charlie proposes they have a little party, but Desmond declines. When Desmond sees that Charlie has brought McCutcheon whiskey, he begins to laugh (a little too much) and agrees to drink up.

Cut to nightfall and the trio is clearly now wasted as they sing, naturally, drinking songs. Charlie finally gets to the point and asks Desmond straight up how he knew Claire was drowning. Des tries to play it off as good hearing, but his new buddies don’t buy it. Charlie presses, but Desmond isdone with him and starts to walk away. Charlie goes after him and calls him a coward. This sets Des off so he jumps Charlie and begins to strangle him. Desmond screams that Charlie does not want to know what happened to him.

Desmond flashes back to critical mass in Dharma Station Three. He heads underground, declares his love for Penny and turns the failsafe key. Then....

He wakes up. It seems he has taken a nasty fall while painting the flat he shares with Penelope. As Penny tends to his bumped head, Des looks around and can’t believe where he is and what is going on. He kisses Penny, hugs her close and looks confused.

Later, Desmond is dressing himself up in a suit and tie as he prepares to meet Penny’s father for a job interview. As they talk, Des becomes distracted by the microwave going off-the strange thing being that it sounds exactly like the "Time to Push the Button" countdown from his hatch days. Des explains it to Penny as deja vu, but he doesn’t look like he’s convinced himself of that.

At dear old Dad’s office, the two go over Desmond’s resume, which includes set design for the Royal Shakespeare Company, no graduation from college and no military experience. Des compliments Dad on his model boat and when Dad mentions his foundation’s race around the world, Des has a quick flash before his eyes of the circumstances that led him to Crazy Island. Dad offers Des a job, but he turns it down, asking instead for Penelope’s hand. Dad breaks out the McCutcheon whiskey and lays out some insults, the most important of them being that Des is not worthy of his alcohol or his daughter.

Outside, Desmond tears off his tie in disgust but before he can maintain his rage, he is distracted by a street minstrel playing "Wonderwall" by Oasis. Des recognizes the man (it’s Charlie), but he can’t quite put his finger on it. He asks where they have met before and has a another quick flash of the hatch implosion. Des recognizes him as Charlie, which is unimpressive since Charlie has a sign: Musical Stylings of Charlie Hieronymus Pace-Donations Accepted. Des is really flipping out and scaring people as he has more and more flashes of his life on the island. He begins to piece together that everything that is happening at thatmoment has already happened before. Desmond looks up to the heavens with exasperation right after predicting the exact moment it would start to rain.

Later, Desmond finds his friend Oliver and asks him about time travel. They head to a pub where Oliver dismisses Des as a crackpot. Des thinks he has gone back in time to live his life over again which only produces laughter from his friend. Just then, the song on the jukebox triggers Desmond’s memory of a great football comeback that’s about to happen, followed by a man barging through the door and hitting the debt-owing bartender with a cricket bat. Unfortunately for Desmond’s credibility, none of these things come to pass. Oliver tells him that there is no such thing as time travel, but since true love is just as unlikely, he should marry Penny even without her father’s approval.

After a talk with Penny upon his return home, Desmond decides that Oliver was right. The next day he enters a jewelry store with the intention of getting the best engagement ring he can find in his meager price range. But this jewelry store turns out to be Bizarro Jewelry Store. Perhaps the Jewelry Store of the Damned. The old saleswoman refuses to sell him the ring she shows him and starts spouting off about how Desmond is supposed to break Penny’s heart, enter the sailing race, crash on Crazy Island and end up pushing a button for three years before eventually turning the failsafe key. The saleswoman declares that if Desmond doesn’t do all that, then they will all die.

A stunned Desmond refuses to hand back the ring, so the old woman takes him outside for some chestnuts. She oddly points out a man walking down the street in red shoes, then takes Desmond to sit down on a bench. Desmond starts to think that none of this is really happening, that the woman is his subconscious and that there is no island. Just then, there is a construction accident and Des is horrified to see that the man in red shoes has been killed. The old woman admits that she knew it was going to happen but there was nothing she could do. Telling him would have only led him to die a different way. Kind of like Final Destination. The universe has a way of "course correcting." That man was supposed to die just as Desmond is supposed to go to the island and push the button. Desmond remains unconvinced and only asks the woman how much the ring costs.

Later, Desmond meets Penny and they stop to have their photo taken. It turns out to be the inspirational photo that Des will keep with him on the island. Seeing it seems to stir something in Desmond’s mind and suddenly he is breaking up with Penny right on the spot. He tells her they were not meantto be together. After breaking her heart, Desmond seems resolved to his destiny and chucks the ring as far as he can throw it.

Later at the pub, Desmond decides to drown his sorrows over a mistake he has made twice now. He eyes the McCutcheon but settles for the cheapest pint they’ve got. Maybe I’M the crazy one because I think the bartender might be a white-haired, British John Locke. Anyway, something amazing happens. The soccer team begins their unlikely comeback. Desmond realizes he just had the wrong night and he is really not crazy. The man Des predicted would come in arrives right on schedule. Des tries to break up the fight but takes a cricket bat to the face for his trouble. Then...

He wakes up. He is lying in the jungle and he is completely naked. He runs over to see the big hole in the ground where Station Three used to be and mutters an "Oh no." In the grass, Desmond finds his beloved photo and asks the universe if he can go back one more time and do things right. Then his life begins to flash forward to all the precognitions he has had on the island since the implosion. Finally he stops in the present, where he is choking the life out of Charlie. Hurley breaks things up as Desmond begins to cry that no matter what you do, you can’t change it. Hurley gives Charlie the cuckoo sign and they help the drunken Scotsman back to his tent.

After apologies all around, Charlie sits down to have a blunt talk with Des. He really wants to know what has been going on. Desmond explains that when he turned the key, his life flashed before his eyes. Then he was back on the island but the flashes didn’t stop. The kicker is that he wasn’t saving Claire this morning. He was saving Charlie. Charlie was supposed to drown saving Claire. Charlie was supposed to be electrocuted before Des redirected the lightning to the homemade rod. But he can’t go on forever. No matter what he does, Charlie is eventually going to die. Like soon.

Next time on LOST: Kate questions someone, presumably Carl, about what happened to the people who were taken by the Others. Speaking of them, Cindy and company show up to say hi to the still caged Jack.

LOST- Episode 55: Not in Portland

LOST IS BACK!  LOST IS BACK!  LOST IS BACK!

  Previously on LOST- Ben asked Jack to perform spinal surgery, which Jack agreed to after he saw Kate and Sawyer gettin' it on from the surveillance room.  Once the surgery began, Jack staged a coup and ordered Kate to run.

  Juliet is sitting on the beach and, awww, she looks sad.  She leaves the beach and enters a dimly lit corridor.  As she walks down the hall, Ethan greets her with a friendly hello.  So this is a flashback, because Ethan is, like, you know, dead.  She enters a room at the end of the hall and sits down on a bed next to a sleeping, sickly looking woman.  Juliet whips out a syringe and fills it with a small bottle marked Test Sample.  The woman wakes up and Juliet tells her to lift up her shirt.  She then injects the drug into the woman's stomach.  The woman yelps with pain and jokingly tells Juliet that she is some doctor.  Juliet replies that she is not doing it as a doctor but as her sister.  Juliet wants her sister, Rachel, to come live with her, but Rachel says she wants to live on the beach.  Juliet opens up the curtains and says, "This is Miami!  Everything is on the beach!"  And the swerves just keep on coming!

  In the present, Juliet watches silently as Jack is making his move in the operating room.  Over at the zoo cages, Danny is distracted by Kate and Jack's radio argument, giving Sawyer the chance to attack.  In the OR, Tom orders Juliet to fix the incision Jack made in Ben's kidney, but she can't do that because she is not a surgeon.  Back at the zoo, Kate and Sawyer win the day but Sawyer decides to get some payback.  He thrusts Danny's head into the food button in his cage three times, causing a jolt of electricity to shoot into the man's body.  The pouring rain makes the shock especially bad.  Kate and Sawyer lock Danny in the cage and run off.

  Over in the OR, Tom asks Juliet what to do and she says to tell Danny to bring back Austen and Ford.  Jack is furious and reminds her that he is going to let Ben die.  Juliet almost smirks, confidently disbelieving that Jack will let a patient go.  Juliet orders one of the Others to get going and adds matter-of-factly, "If you have to, kill them."  Cue creepy LOST title screen.

  Juliet flashes back to Miami, where she uses her key card to enter a Bio-research lab after hours.  As she walks down the hall, she takes a cell phone call about an appointment for 2 o'clock the next day.  Juliet enters a dark lab and begins Operation: Steal More Test Samples.  Suddenly, the lights come on, so Juliet ducks into a hiding spot.  A man and woman enter and begin doing the things men and women do.  Bio-research labs- the ultimate aphrodisiac!  Before things go too far, Juliet's cell rings again, alerting the couple to her presence.  Juliet makes up a crappy excuse, then the man, Edmund,  introduces Juliet to his friend as his ex-wife.  As Juliet leaves, Ed asks her to turn off the lights.  Oh, Zeljko Ivanek, you so good at playing a creepy sleazeball!

  In the present, Juliet informs Jack of the flaw in his plan, that is, that they are on a different island, therefore making Kate and Sawyer's escape impossible.  Juliet offers to negotiate for a peaceful resolution, but Jack counters with spilling the beans about Juliet secretly asking for Ben's death.  Voices are raised until Tom bellows for quiet.  Tom tells Juliet to get out, not because he necessarily believes Jack, but because she already admitted to not being able to do anything for Ben.  As Juliet leaves, she tells Tom that Jack would never let a patient die on purpose.   

  Meanwhile, as Danny is rescued from the cage, Kate and Sawyer are off and running through the rainy jungle.  They make it to the beach and see Crazy Island exactly where they left it, two miles away.  They scramble along the beach looking for a boat, which Sawyer thinks is a fool's errand, but what else are they gonna do?  Kate calls Jack on the walkie talkie and tells him about their situation.  As Jack tries to put the screws to Tom, he hears gunfire.  At the beach, Kate has the walkie blown right out of her hand.  Danny has arrived with the cavalry and they have decided to ask questions later.  Kate and Sawyer take off into the jungle, avoiding bullets at every turn.  They hide, but Sawyer is out of bullets.  Things look bleak until they are saved by young Alex Rousseau.  She leads them into one of her hidey-holes and they watch tensely as Danny and friends pass by over their heads. 

  Back in the OR, Tom questions whether Juliet really asked Jack to kill Ben.  Jack nods and says she will get her wish in 40 minutes.  To the surprise of both men, they hear a voice.  Ben is awake and talking.  He asks to speak to Juliet. 

  In the research lab of the past, Juliet is summoned to Edmund's office.  He tells her he knows what she is doing and he wants in, ethics be damned.  He's not exactly asking either.  More like threatening.  He has a point, since with the company backing, Juliet's research turns from borderline criminal activity into scientific breakthroughs.  Juliet is then given some time to think about it.

  In the present, Tom finds Juliet and summons her to see Ben.  Meanwhile, Kate, Sawyer and Alex emerge from hiding.  Alex tells them that she has a boat and they can use it in exchange for helping her rescue her boyfriend.  Sawyer correctly guesses that the boy is Carl, the kid who first occupied Kate's cage. 

  Over in the OR, Ben reveals that he has been able to hear what has been going on and is impressed with Jack's chess move.  Juliet arrives and Ben asks to speak to her alone.  Jack won't allow it but reluctantly agress after being asked nicely by a potentially dying man.  Jack goes to the observation room but can't hear what Ben is saying.  Even Others hate awkward silence so Tom introduces himself and informs Jack that Juliet and Ben have history.  After a few moments, Juliet emerges and asks Jack to fix Ben and finish the surgery.  In exchange for this, Juliet is going to help his friends escape.  Jack and Tom, now BFF, share a bewildered look.

  Juliet flashes back to a job interview with Mittelos Science from outside Portland.  The man she has met is showing her a slideshow of how great their company is and how everyone is happy and goes on field trips.  Juliet wonders why they want her and it is because she is a brilliant doctor.  She even impregnated a male mouse!  The man puts the offer on the table but Juliet is forced to turn it down because her bastard ex-husband would never let her go.  She begins to get upset, but the man keeps pressing, asking what would get her to change his mind.  Unfortunately, Juliet believes it to be nothing short of getting hit by a bus.  She composes herself slightly, says she is not a leader and dismisses herself.

  Back in the present, Juliet IS a leader.  She marches into the surveillance room to get a bead on Kate and Sawyer.  When she sees that Alex is helping them she lets out an, "Aw, hell."

  Kate, Sawyer and Alex approach a Dharma station where a guard named Aldo is standing guard.  Alex approaches the station with a gun pointed at Sawyer's head yelling for Aldo to open the door.  Aldo falls for the trick and is easily disabled, but not before revealing to the audience that Alex believes Ben is her father.  Kate threatens a confession out of Aldo that Carl is in Room 23.  They race down the dark hall to find that Room 23 is a crazy reprogramming room, where Carl is strapped to a chair and being forced to watch a sensory overload of bizarre images and subliminal messages.  They unhook Carl from the chair and an IV and carry him out of there. 

  Later, Danny is putting the boots to Aldo for being an idiot when Juliet comes to tell him that they are letting Ford and Austen go.  Danny doesn't believe it, and says that Ben would rather die on the table than let them go.  As Danny stalks off, Juliet flashes back to her apartment.  Rachel is there with the great news that Juliet's experiment worked and she is pregnant.  Later that day, Juliet finds Ed coming out of the building and tells him the news.  Ed congratulates her but is visibly disappointed when he finds out she doesn't want to publish her findings.  In mid-sentence he steps into the street and is HIT BY A BUS.  Freaky, eh?

  In the present, Jack is back to work and notices that Tom is a little squeamish about the blood.  Jack asks why they didn't get Ben off the island if they could.  Tom starts to respond that "ever since the sky turned purple"- but he is interrupted by Jack hitting an artery and squirting blood everywhere.  This was not part of the plan and Ben could be in real trouble now. 

  At the beach, the gang of escapees pull Alex's boat toward the water.  Unfortunately, they are busted by Danny who approaches slowly with gun drawn.  Just as he is about to kill Sawyer, Juliet calls his name.  When he turns, Juliet guns him down in cold blood. 

  Back in the OR, Jack is forced to enlist the squeamish Tom's help in order to stop Ben's bleeding.  Back at the beach, Juliet sees her former prisoners off, but tells Alex that she has to stay behind.  Alex says a tearful good-bye to a still dazed Carl.  Then Juliet reminds Kate of Jack's order.  In the OR, Jack still doesn't have things under control but forces Tom to hold the walkie talkie up to him.  As Kate recounts the tale Jack told them at their first meeting-a tale remarkably similar to what Jack is going through now- Jack finds his courage and ability and is able to finish the task at hand.  When the story is done, Jack orders Kate to leave and never come back for him.  Kate cries as the walkie is shut off and Sawyer reminds her that they have to go. 

  Later, the surgery is complete and Jack waits for whatever is next from the observation window.  Juliet approaches and Jack asks her what Ben said to her.  She tries to blow it off, but Jack insists that she owes him an answer after everything that has happened.  Juliet flashes back to identifying her ex-husband at the morgue.  After being left alone, she is consoled by the dude from Portland, as well as by Ethan, who Juliet vaguely recognizes.  Juliet is slightly aghast that she got exactly what she had wished for in a weak moment, but the two men dismiss her puzzlement and offer her the job, which actually is kind of Not in Portland.

  After snapping out of her thoughts, Juliet answers Jack's question and  tells him exactly how many years, months and days she has been on the island.  "He said that if I let him live and that I helped you, that he would finally let me go home."

Next time on the non-stop season of 24, I mean LOST! 

  Claire wonders what the hell is going on with Desmond and Kate breaks her promise to Jack by coming back to Othersville with a whole bunch of Locke and Sayid action at her side.

VCH Radio 2/2/07

A new episode of VCH Radio is now available for your enjoyment.

A brand new Top Ten Countdown, plus hear what I sound like with my head stuffed up!   LOL

YouSendIt: The Leader in File Delivery.

Sick! Sick in the head!

  -No audio show last week.   1) I was and still am suffering from a bad head cold.  2) Just never seemed to have any free time last week.  Either my wife called in sick, my sister-in-law cut class or my brother came to visit.  Never had time to plan the show, let alone record it.  Fortunately, this may only disappoint a minimum of three people, one of them being myself.

-Monday has now usurped Thursday as the go-to night on TV.  My plate is loaded on Tuesday morning with Prison Break, 24, Heroes and Studio 60.

- Two movie recommendations.   The first is Idiocracy (2006).  A comedy from Mike Judge, creator of Beavis and Butthead and cult classic Office Space.  This film got a suck-ass "limited release" rivaled only by Project Greenlight's Feast, but it wasn't buried because it was a bad movie, that's for sure.  It's about how an average Joe from today Rip Van Winkle's himself to the year 2505 to find that America has been dumbed down to the lowest common denominator and he is now the smartest man alive.  It is hilarious and not to mention something to think about.  How far can commercialism, casual swearing and just plain stupidity go?  The future world presented in Idiocracy may not be too far-fetched.    Grade: A

 

The second recommendation is The Wicker Man (2006).   Nicolas Cage plays a traffic cop summoned to help find a missing girl on a mysterious island inhabited by a matriarchal cult.   Premise- interesting.  Trailer- intriguing.  Box cover- creepy.  Film- HORRIBLE.  Everything about this movie doesn't work and most surprsing of all is the terrible acting pooped onto the screen by the normally reliable Cage.  ( I was thinking about it before the nominations, but he earned a well-deserved Golden Raspberry for this garbage, which I whole-heartedly endorse.)  So why am I recommending the movie then?   Because it crosses that oh so wonderful line.  Yes, it's so bad that it's good.  The last half hour is a goldmine of unintentional comedy.  If you don't mind the "surprise" ending being spoiled, you can sample the high/lowlights on Youtube:    YouTube - Best Scenes From "The Wicker Man"

Grade as a thrilller: D   as unintentional comedy: B+

Needs More Survey!

1. Do you drink milk?   With cereal or cake.  I like chocolate milk a lot.

2. Do you prefer apple or orange juice? I like both. No preference 

3. Do your computer speakers plug into the back of your computer or your monitor? Back of the desktop.  On the laptop, sound plays like magic.

4. How many clocks are in your house? 6.  2 alarm clocks, 2 cable boxes, oven, microwave 

5. How about the room you're in right now? Yeah, how about it?  WOW!

6. How often do you check your email?  Obsessively.

7. Do you live by yourself? I'm the man of the house.

8. What's the most you've ever won on a scratcher?  Never gotten anything from a backscratcher.

9. What's the nearest food to you right now? A tie for everything in the kitchen.

11. Do you know what a plecostamous is?  a fish. 

12. Have you ever watched a sunrise rise over the ocean?   No

13. How many messages are in your inbox/outbox on your phone?  I'm not in charge of that, but i think none.

14. Do you prefer wooden or mechanical pencils? Wood, oh yeah.  Wood.

15. What's on your feet right now?    Socks 

16. Do you have one best friend, or a lotta good friends?... Both online, none in the real world. 

17. Snapple or SoBe? I don't even know what SoBe is, so Snapple

18. Where do you buy birthday/christmas cards?   I don't.  Hallmark is the DEVIL

19. What's your take on "puppy love"? Bestiality is against the law.

20. Do you enjoy breaking hearts?   No, BUT I CAN'T HELP IT!

21. What date/time was the last text you recieved? No comment, detective.

22. When's the last time you sent a text?   I want a lawyer.

23. Do you believe there is only one "right" religion?   Yes, and all non-Catholics are obviously in hell.

24. What's your favorite planet, besides this one?   Planet Hollywood

25. Does anything special happen for you on March 15th?   Everyone comes over to my house for my famous Ides of March party where we reenact the fall of Caesar and get drunk.

26. If you could get back in touch with one person you've lost touch with, who would it be? Wow just one?   A guy named Bill in college was the closest I ever came to having an honest to God friend.

27. What type of internet connection do you use? Cable

28. Do you vote for city-related issues?   I vote against everything.

29. Do you say 'ya'll', 'you guys', 'dudes', or something else when addressing more than one friend at a time?    Short answer: No

30. Would you want marijuana legalized if it meant alcohol would be illegal?  Ohh, so provocative I forgot to answer.

31. Have you ever been to the Vatican?   Yes, if by "the Vatican", you mean "Wal-mart".

32. Have you ever waved at someone who was waving at you, only to realize they were waving at someone else?     I sincerely doubt it.

33. What did you do?   I can't tell you and I'm still waiting on that lawyer.

34. How many remote controls are in your house, and what are they for? Actually, today is the two week anniversary of one of our cable remotes being missing.  We have three remotes, but only 2 reporting for duty lately.

35. Do you mainly use your house phone or your cell phone? I use anything
36. How many 2005 calenders are in your house?   None, how old is this?

37. Do you take baths or showers?   Yes I do.

38. Do you take quizzes in magazines?  Only in Kitchen and Bath Design News

40. Do you buy bananas when they're green so they won't go bad as fast?   I don't buy bananas at all.

41. Do you do anything for a bad sunburn? I don't get one in the first place.

42. Do you use mouthwash?    Water

43. What noises reach your ears right now?   The DVD my daughter is watching

45. Have you ever been to a national park?   Lawyer stuck in traffic.

46. How old are your parents? I don't know.  50 or 60 something

47. Does anyone have the keys to your heart?   I'm not a robot.

48. Have you ever had to run for your life?   Greg and I ran for our lives when we thought we were about to be kidnapped.

49. Is there an empty place in your heart?   I can't see inside my body.

50. Have you ever been to a family reunion? No

51. Have you ever scraped a pipe?   No, but I have scraped metal barriers at work occasionally..

52. Do you prepare soup in the microwave or on the stove?   Stove!

53. Is it sunny out right now?  yeah, but not enough to melt the snow

54. Do you have a catnip plant in your house? Hidden under  the bed.

55. Do you use surge protectors? Yes, they protect my surges.

56. Do you pay attention to the stock market? Not at all.

57. Do you take precautions against the West Nile Virus? I don't even take precautions from Eastern viruses.

58. Do you meditate? That's personal.

59. If your lover cheated on you and profusely apologized, would you accept them back into your life?   it's never come up.

60. Do you eat carbs?   only if they're in food.

61. If you could be one animal for the rest of your life, what would you pick?  i wouldnt want that

62. Are you the kinda person who will search the entire room for the remote because you don't wanna change it on the TV?   Nooooo...
63. Has your insurance gone up because of something on your DMV record?  Nah

64. Have you ever gone too work/school drunk?  I've never consumed any alcoholic beverage.

65. Is it all about YOU?   Not ever.

66. Are you allergic to any insect bites?    Not so far.

67. Are you allergic to any kind of food/medicine?    Nah

68. Have you ever swam in Lake Tahoe? No.  Have you?

69. If you could hug one person right now, who would it be?    Sir Thomas Crapper
70. Are you in debt? Not too badly

71. When you say "often" do you pronounce the "T" or leave it silent?   How dare you ask me that.

72. If you could have a plane ticket to anywhere right now, where would you go?  Uhhh, London.  Why not
74. How many pairs of socks do you own?   Pervert.

75. How often do you do laundry?   Whenever I need to.

76. What do you think of Arnold Schwarzenegger?   I don't.

77. Do you own your own car, pink slip and all?   No
78. Has anyone ever given you jewelery on Christmas? I'm a boy.

79. Do you count down the days till anything?   Til the work week is over.