Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Still Alive

  Sorry I haven't updated in forever.  There has just been no time for anything lately.  I had to stay 2 hours late every night at work last week which put me home between 3 and 4am.  This in turn made me sleep longer and have to go to work almost as soon as I got up.  Saturday and Sunday I worked OT and last night I stayed an extra hour and a half.  Trying to score a big paycheck does not leave much room for free time. 

  In addition, our wireless router was fried by my wife doing what Vonage tech support told her to.  (Vonage= BAD.  Use at own risk.)  Plus, our DVR has gone cuckoo and decided it doesn't really care if I want to see LOST or Veronica Mars- it's not recording them!  If it had a tongue, I think it would give me the raspberries.  Fortunately, I can eventually watch those shows online, but that's why I missed the LOST recap yet again last week and might again this week.  Here, have a delicious sucks donut.

  I also haven't done an audio show in a few weeks because of snow days, school vacations, fatigue and not being able to use the laptop.

Now that I'm done crying a river, here's a few random thoughts:

-The "Company Man" episode of Heroes was freakin' awesome.  Heroes is slightly better than LOST at the moment.  The LOST continuous season, while great, really needs to pick up steam.

- I had the strange urge to watch Open Water 2, even though I hated Open Water 1, and I did end up liking it a lot better.  The premise this time is that a group of morons forget to lower the ladder on their yacht and can't get back on the boat.  It's a lot more intriguing than the first depressingly hopeless movie because this time you can see salvation right there and if they could just overcome their own stupidity, they could save themselves.  It's a definite 'yell at the screen' movie.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Winter Takes Off The Kid Gloves

TUESDAY:  12 hours until Death Storm '07.  I have taken the day off in anticipation of the 10-20" of snow we are supposed to get come nightfall.  I head to Home Depot to get an ice chopper.  Actually, I head to Wal-mart first, but they didn't have any.  Then I head to Home Depot, which has them right inside the front door.  Time spent in HD: 1 minute.  I spend all afternoon chopping ice in the driveway.  I want the driveway to be flat before Death Storm '07 arrives.  Unfortunately, the driveway is so long that I come nowhere near my goal.  Time to hope for the best.

At 9pm, Death Storm '07 arrives.  Until that point, I had been regretting taking the day off since 7 of the 10 hours I would spend at work have been fine weather-wise.  As the snow falls, and fast, I no longer regret my decision. 

WEDNESDAY:  It snows and snows and then it snows some more.  It never stops snowing.  People who have died during Death Storm that I know of: 0.  But that number could shoot up at anytime.  (Simpsons reference)  I shovel and shovel.  By the time I am done shoveling, the place where I started from needs to be shoveled again.  We are getting 1-3" an hour.  After I am done shoveling, the landlord comes by with a snowblower. 

As much as I would love to go to work, I can't because snow emergencies have been declared in every county I have to pass through.  Travel bans are issued.  When I call in to work, they give me a confirmation number, which has never happened before.  I hope it means that they are going to pay those who couldn't come in. 

THURSDAY:  I call into work again, which means when I finally go back on Monday, it will have been a week since I worked.   The irony is that all the shoveling I am doing is more work than what I actually do at work.  My back hurts and I am exhausted and grumpy.  The "good" news is that there is more snow coming tonight. 

FRIDAY:  Good Lord.  When I head out to shovel the driveway so my wife can go to work, I see that about another foot has fallen.  When will it end?  Where will I put it all?  I can not recall another winter in my adult life when I have shoveled snow over my head.  The banks are so high that I have to cross my fingers and hope for the best when I back out of the driveway.  No cars coming, no cars coming, no whammys, stop!  Go! 

  That afternoon, Kasey wants to play outside so I decide to do as much shoveling and ice chopping as I can muster the strength to do.  I am defeated.  Demoralized.  My back hurts and I can't do this anymore.  I say I can't do this anymore out loud.  Then my next door neighbor, Paul, shows up and says his buddy is coming with a plow and he'll do my driveway too.  (Our driveways touch so he kind of has to.)  I make a mental note to submit this to the Vatican as proof of God.

  I continue to shovel so that I can get the car out of the way when I hear a KABOOM!  It seems a gigantic sheet of ice with icicles still attached has just fallen off the roof.  It came about 6 inches from hitting my car.  (I should also mention that ice falling on Monday cracked my wife's windshield.  We had it replaced and the landlord offered to take it off our rent.  Nice guy.)  The ice missed my car by 6 inches and ME by a foot.  It was a total WHOA moment for me.  I pick up the 40 or 50 pounds of the Abominable Snowman's dentures and toss them into a snowbank.  As I do this, the next gigantic ice block slides off the roof and hits the spot where I had been standing during the first KABOOM!  Basically, if the things had fallen in a different order, I'd be dead. 

People who have died during Death Storm '07 that I know of:  Still 0.  Barely.

 

Thursday, February 15, 2007

LOST- Episode 56: Flashes Before Your Eyes

  Previously on LOST: Desmond woke up naked in the jungle with the ability to see the future.

  Welcome back to the most comprehensive LOST recap on the web. Even better than the one at Entertainment Weekly. Though I do enjoy the puns in their titles. Writing puns for EW is my dream job! Anyway...

  As Desmond stands on the beach looking contemplative, Charlie and Hurley are busy raiding Sawyer’s tent. Desmond approaches and says that he needs them to come with him. They head into the jungle and find Locke and Sayid waiting for them. Locke explains that Mr. Eko is dead-that the island killed him. As characters with names and speaking parts, they need Charlie and Hurley to help keep the others calm when the news is broken on the beach. Desmond seems a little distracted as this conversation is going on. Suddenly, he bolts toward the beach without a word of explanation. Once there, he rips off his shirt and shoes and dives into the ocean. It appears there is someone else in the water. When Charlie realizes that Claire is missing, he heads for the water himself, but Des already has the job done and has pulled Claire to safety.  Des performs CPR as a frantic Charlie hovers over them. As Desmond carries the revived Claire to her tent, Charlie wonders how Desmond knew. Hurley matter-of-factly states that Des can see the future...dude. Cue creepy LOST title screen.

Later, as Desmond stares at his photo of himself with his long lost love, Penelope, Claire approaches to thank him for saving her. Charlie breaks up the meeting and gives Des a menacing glare. After handing the baby off to Claire, Charlie and Hurley begin to discuss the notion that Desmond can see the future. Charlie intends to find out what happened to Des after Station Three imploded and he intends to find out by getting the Scotsman drunk.

The two buddies find Desmond on the beach and Charlie apologizes for not being more grateful to Des for saving his girlfriend. Charlie proposes they have a little party, but Desmond declines. When Desmond sees that Charlie has brought McCutcheon whiskey, he begins to laugh (a little too much) and agrees to drink up.

Cut to nightfall and the trio is clearly now wasted as they sing, naturally, drinking songs. Charlie finally gets to the point and asks Desmond straight up how he knew Claire was drowning. Des tries to play it off as good hearing, but his new buddies don’t buy it. Charlie presses, but Desmond isdone with him and starts to walk away. Charlie goes after him and calls him a coward. This sets Des off so he jumps Charlie and begins to strangle him. Desmond screams that Charlie does not want to know what happened to him.

Desmond flashes back to critical mass in Dharma Station Three. He heads underground, declares his love for Penny and turns the failsafe key. Then....

He wakes up. It seems he has taken a nasty fall while painting the flat he shares with Penelope. As Penny tends to his bumped head, Des looks around and can’t believe where he is and what is going on. He kisses Penny, hugs her close and looks confused.

Later, Desmond is dressing himself up in a suit and tie as he prepares to meet Penny’s father for a job interview. As they talk, Des becomes distracted by the microwave going off-the strange thing being that it sounds exactly like the "Time to Push the Button" countdown from his hatch days. Des explains it to Penny as deja vu, but he doesn’t look like he’s convinced himself of that.

At dear old Dad’s office, the two go over Desmond’s resume, which includes set design for the Royal Shakespeare Company, no graduation from college and no military experience. Des compliments Dad on his model boat and when Dad mentions his foundation’s race around the world, Des has a quick flash before his eyes of the circumstances that led him to Crazy Island. Dad offers Des a job, but he turns it down, asking instead for Penelope’s hand. Dad breaks out the McCutcheon whiskey and lays out some insults, the most important of them being that Des is not worthy of his alcohol or his daughter.

Outside, Desmond tears off his tie in disgust but before he can maintain his rage, he is distracted by a street minstrel playing "Wonderwall" by Oasis. Des recognizes the man (it’s Charlie), but he can’t quite put his finger on it. He asks where they have met before and has a another quick flash of the hatch implosion. Des recognizes him as Charlie, which is unimpressive since Charlie has a sign: Musical Stylings of Charlie Hieronymus Pace-Donations Accepted. Des is really flipping out and scaring people as he has more and more flashes of his life on the island. He begins to piece together that everything that is happening at thatmoment has already happened before. Desmond looks up to the heavens with exasperation right after predicting the exact moment it would start to rain.

Later, Desmond finds his friend Oliver and asks him about time travel. They head to a pub where Oliver dismisses Des as a crackpot. Des thinks he has gone back in time to live his life over again which only produces laughter from his friend. Just then, the song on the jukebox triggers Desmond’s memory of a great football comeback that’s about to happen, followed by a man barging through the door and hitting the debt-owing bartender with a cricket bat. Unfortunately for Desmond’s credibility, none of these things come to pass. Oliver tells him that there is no such thing as time travel, but since true love is just as unlikely, he should marry Penny even without her father’s approval.

After a talk with Penny upon his return home, Desmond decides that Oliver was right. The next day he enters a jewelry store with the intention of getting the best engagement ring he can find in his meager price range. But this jewelry store turns out to be Bizarro Jewelry Store. Perhaps the Jewelry Store of the Damned. The old saleswoman refuses to sell him the ring she shows him and starts spouting off about how Desmond is supposed to break Penny’s heart, enter the sailing race, crash on Crazy Island and end up pushing a button for three years before eventually turning the failsafe key. The saleswoman declares that if Desmond doesn’t do all that, then they will all die.

A stunned Desmond refuses to hand back the ring, so the old woman takes him outside for some chestnuts. She oddly points out a man walking down the street in red shoes, then takes Desmond to sit down on a bench. Desmond starts to think that none of this is really happening, that the woman is his subconscious and that there is no island. Just then, there is a construction accident and Des is horrified to see that the man in red shoes has been killed. The old woman admits that she knew it was going to happen but there was nothing she could do. Telling him would have only led him to die a different way. Kind of like Final Destination. The universe has a way of "course correcting." That man was supposed to die just as Desmond is supposed to go to the island and push the button. Desmond remains unconvinced and only asks the woman how much the ring costs.

Later, Desmond meets Penny and they stop to have their photo taken. It turns out to be the inspirational photo that Des will keep with him on the island. Seeing it seems to stir something in Desmond’s mind and suddenly he is breaking up with Penny right on the spot. He tells her they were not meantto be together. After breaking her heart, Desmond seems resolved to his destiny and chucks the ring as far as he can throw it.

Later at the pub, Desmond decides to drown his sorrows over a mistake he has made twice now. He eyes the McCutcheon but settles for the cheapest pint they’ve got. Maybe I’M the crazy one because I think the bartender might be a white-haired, British John Locke. Anyway, something amazing happens. The soccer team begins their unlikely comeback. Desmond realizes he just had the wrong night and he is really not crazy. The man Des predicted would come in arrives right on schedule. Des tries to break up the fight but takes a cricket bat to the face for his trouble. Then...

He wakes up. He is lying in the jungle and he is completely naked. He runs over to see the big hole in the ground where Station Three used to be and mutters an "Oh no." In the grass, Desmond finds his beloved photo and asks the universe if he can go back one more time and do things right. Then his life begins to flash forward to all the precognitions he has had on the island since the implosion. Finally he stops in the present, where he is choking the life out of Charlie. Hurley breaks things up as Desmond begins to cry that no matter what you do, you can’t change it. Hurley gives Charlie the cuckoo sign and they help the drunken Scotsman back to his tent.

After apologies all around, Charlie sits down to have a blunt talk with Des. He really wants to know what has been going on. Desmond explains that when he turned the key, his life flashed before his eyes. Then he was back on the island but the flashes didn’t stop. The kicker is that he wasn’t saving Claire this morning. He was saving Charlie. Charlie was supposed to drown saving Claire. Charlie was supposed to be electrocuted before Des redirected the lightning to the homemade rod. But he can’t go on forever. No matter what he does, Charlie is eventually going to die. Like soon.

Next time on LOST: Kate questions someone, presumably Carl, about what happened to the people who were taken by the Others. Speaking of them, Cindy and company show up to say hi to the still caged Jack.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

LOST- Episode 55: Not in Portland

LOST IS BACK!  LOST IS BACK!  LOST IS BACK!

  Previously on LOST- Ben asked Jack to perform spinal surgery, which Jack agreed to after he saw Kate and Sawyer gettin' it on from the surveillance room.  Once the surgery began, Jack staged a coup and ordered Kate to run.

  Juliet is sitting on the beach and, awww, she looks sad.  She leaves the beach and enters a dimly lit corridor.  As she walks down the hall, Ethan greets her with a friendly hello.  So this is a flashback, because Ethan is, like, you know, dead.  She enters a room at the end of the hall and sits down on a bed next to a sleeping, sickly looking woman.  Juliet whips out a syringe and fills it with a small bottle marked Test Sample.  The woman wakes up and Juliet tells her to lift up her shirt.  She then injects the drug into the woman's stomach.  The woman yelps with pain and jokingly tells Juliet that she is some doctor.  Juliet replies that she is not doing it as a doctor but as her sister.  Juliet wants her sister, Rachel, to come live with her, but Rachel says she wants to live on the beach.  Juliet opens up the curtains and says, "This is Miami!  Everything is on the beach!"  And the swerves just keep on coming!

  In the present, Juliet watches silently as Jack is making his move in the operating room.  Over at the zoo cages, Danny is distracted by Kate and Jack's radio argument, giving Sawyer the chance to attack.  In the OR, Tom orders Juliet to fix the incision Jack made in Ben's kidney, but she can't do that because she is not a surgeon.  Back at the zoo, Kate and Sawyer win the day but Sawyer decides to get some payback.  He thrusts Danny's head into the food button in his cage three times, causing a jolt of electricity to shoot into the man's body.  The pouring rain makes the shock especially bad.  Kate and Sawyer lock Danny in the cage and run off.

  Over in the OR, Tom asks Juliet what to do and she says to tell Danny to bring back Austen and Ford.  Jack is furious and reminds her that he is going to let Ben die.  Juliet almost smirks, confidently disbelieving that Jack will let a patient go.  Juliet orders one of the Others to get going and adds matter-of-factly, "If you have to, kill them."  Cue creepy LOST title screen.

  Juliet flashes back to Miami, where she uses her key card to enter a Bio-research lab after hours.  As she walks down the hall, she takes a cell phone call about an appointment for 2 o'clock the next day.  Juliet enters a dark lab and begins Operation: Steal More Test Samples.  Suddenly, the lights come on, so Juliet ducks into a hiding spot.  A man and woman enter and begin doing the things men and women do.  Bio-research labs- the ultimate aphrodisiac!  Before things go too far, Juliet's cell rings again, alerting the couple to her presence.  Juliet makes up a crappy excuse, then the man, Edmund,  introduces Juliet to his friend as his ex-wife.  As Juliet leaves, Ed asks her to turn off the lights.  Oh, Zeljko Ivanek, you so good at playing a creepy sleazeball!

  In the present, Juliet informs Jack of the flaw in his plan, that is, that they are on a different island, therefore making Kate and Sawyer's escape impossible.  Juliet offers to negotiate for a peaceful resolution, but Jack counters with spilling the beans about Juliet secretly asking for Ben's death.  Voices are raised until Tom bellows for quiet.  Tom tells Juliet to get out, not because he necessarily believes Jack, but because she already admitted to not being able to do anything for Ben.  As Juliet leaves, she tells Tom that Jack would never let a patient die on purpose.   

  Meanwhile, as Danny is rescued from the cage, Kate and Sawyer are off and running through the rainy jungle.  They make it to the beach and see Crazy Island exactly where they left it, two miles away.  They scramble along the beach looking for a boat, which Sawyer thinks is a fool's errand, but what else are they gonna do?  Kate calls Jack on the walkie talkie and tells him about their situation.  As Jack tries to put the screws to Tom, he hears gunfire.  At the beach, Kate has the walkie blown right out of her hand.  Danny has arrived with the cavalry and they have decided to ask questions later.  Kate and Sawyer take off into the jungle, avoiding bullets at every turn.  They hide, but Sawyer is out of bullets.  Things look bleak until they are saved by young Alex Rousseau.  She leads them into one of her hidey-holes and they watch tensely as Danny and friends pass by over their heads. 

  Back in the OR, Tom questions whether Juliet really asked Jack to kill Ben.  Jack nods and says she will get her wish in 40 minutes.  To the surprise of both men, they hear a voice.  Ben is awake and talking.  He asks to speak to Juliet. 

  In the research lab of the past, Juliet is summoned to Edmund's office.  He tells her he knows what she is doing and he wants in, ethics be damned.  He's not exactly asking either.  More like threatening.  He has a point, since with the company backing, Juliet's research turns from borderline criminal activity into scientific breakthroughs.  Juliet is then given some time to think about it.

  In the present, Tom finds Juliet and summons her to see Ben.  Meanwhile, Kate, Sawyer and Alex emerge from hiding.  Alex tells them that she has a boat and they can use it in exchange for helping her rescue her boyfriend.  Sawyer correctly guesses that the boy is Carl, the kid who first occupied Kate's cage. 

  Over in the OR, Ben reveals that he has been able to hear what has been going on and is impressed with Jack's chess move.  Juliet arrives and Ben asks to speak to her alone.  Jack won't allow it but reluctantly agress after being asked nicely by a potentially dying man.  Jack goes to the observation room but can't hear what Ben is saying.  Even Others hate awkward silence so Tom introduces himself and informs Jack that Juliet and Ben have history.  After a few moments, Juliet emerges and asks Jack to fix Ben and finish the surgery.  In exchange for this, Juliet is going to help his friends escape.  Jack and Tom, now BFF, share a bewildered look.

  Juliet flashes back to a job interview with Mittelos Science from outside Portland.  The man she has met is showing her a slideshow of how great their company is and how everyone is happy and goes on field trips.  Juliet wonders why they want her and it is because she is a brilliant doctor.  She even impregnated a male mouse!  The man puts the offer on the table but Juliet is forced to turn it down because her bastard ex-husband would never let her go.  She begins to get upset, but the man keeps pressing, asking what would get her to change his mind.  Unfortunately, Juliet believes it to be nothing short of getting hit by a bus.  She composes herself slightly, says she is not a leader and dismisses herself.

  Back in the present, Juliet IS a leader.  She marches into the surveillance room to get a bead on Kate and Sawyer.  When she sees that Alex is helping them she lets out an, "Aw, hell."

  Kate, Sawyer and Alex approach a Dharma station where a guard named Aldo is standing guard.  Alex approaches the station with a gun pointed at Sawyer's head yelling for Aldo to open the door.  Aldo falls for the trick and is easily disabled, but not before revealing to the audience that Alex believes Ben is her father.  Kate threatens a confession out of Aldo that Carl is in Room 23.  They race down the dark hall to find that Room 23 is a crazy reprogramming room, where Carl is strapped to a chair and being forced to watch a sensory overload of bizarre images and subliminal messages.  They unhook Carl from the chair and an IV and carry him out of there. 

  Later, Danny is putting the boots to Aldo for being an idiot when Juliet comes to tell him that they are letting Ford and Austen go.  Danny doesn't believe it, and says that Ben would rather die on the table than let them go.  As Danny stalks off, Juliet flashes back to her apartment.  Rachel is there with the great news that Juliet's experiment worked and she is pregnant.  Later that day, Juliet finds Ed coming out of the building and tells him the news.  Ed congratulates her but is visibly disappointed when he finds out she doesn't want to publish her findings.  In mid-sentence he steps into the street and is HIT BY A BUS.  Freaky, eh?

  In the present, Jack is back to work and notices that Tom is a little squeamish about the blood.  Jack asks why they didn't get Ben off the island if they could.  Tom starts to respond that "ever since the sky turned purple"- but he is interrupted by Jack hitting an artery and squirting blood everywhere.  This was not part of the plan and Ben could be in real trouble now. 

  At the beach, the gang of escapees pull Alex's boat toward the water.  Unfortunately, they are busted by Danny who approaches slowly with gun drawn.  Just as he is about to kill Sawyer, Juliet calls his name.  When he turns, Juliet guns him down in cold blood. 

  Back in the OR, Jack is forced to enlist the squeamish Tom's help in order to stop Ben's bleeding.  Back at the beach, Juliet sees her former prisoners off, but tells Alex that she has to stay behind.  Alex says a tearful good-bye to a still dazed Carl.  Then Juliet reminds Kate of Jack's order.  In the OR, Jack still doesn't have things under control but forces Tom to hold the walkie talkie up to him.  As Kate recounts the tale Jack told them at their first meeting-a tale remarkably similar to what Jack is going through now- Jack finds his courage and ability and is able to finish the task at hand.  When the story is done, Jack orders Kate to leave and never come back for him.  Kate cries as the walkie is shut off and Sawyer reminds her that they have to go. 

  Later, the surgery is complete and Jack waits for whatever is next from the observation window.  Juliet approaches and Jack asks her what Ben said to her.  She tries to blow it off, but Jack insists that she owes him an answer after everything that has happened.  Juliet flashes back to identifying her ex-husband at the morgue.  After being left alone, she is consoled by the dude from Portland, as well as by Ethan, who Juliet vaguely recognizes.  Juliet is slightly aghast that she got exactly what she had wished for in a weak moment, but the two men dismiss her puzzlement and offer her the job, which actually is kind of Not in Portland.

  After snapping out of her thoughts, Juliet answers Jack's question and  tells him exactly how many years, months and days she has been on the island.  "He said that if I let him live and that I helped you, that he would finally let me go home."

Next time on the non-stop season of 24, I mean LOST! 

  Claire wonders what the hell is going on with Desmond and Kate breaks her promise to Jack by coming back to Othersville with a whole bunch of Locke and Sayid action at her side.

Friday, February 2, 2007

VCH Radio 2/2/07

A new episode of VCH Radio is now available for your enjoyment.

A brand new Top Ten Countdown, plus hear what I sound like with my head stuffed up!   LOL

YouSendIt: The Leader in File Delivery.