Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Humiliation!

I start picking on my sister with a new plan to pick on someone every week- and what do I get for it?  A big dose of karma!  My wife (finally) started to read my novel and what did she find?  A grammatical error!  She woke me up out of a sound sleep to point it out, so I wasn't sure if it really happened, but sure enough, it's there.  'You're' where it should say 'your'.  My biggest grammatical pet peeve and I did it myself.  That hurts!  How could the ten or so people that read it not notice?  How could I not notice?  I am shattered.

There- I just fixed it.  Consider this grammar snob humbled. 

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Saturday Night

  A question I've been asked a lot this week is, "Why haven't you written in your journal lately?"  Well, it's not like I haven't wanted to.  Everytime I open the thing up, I start a blank page....that stays blank and stays blank and stays blank.  Then I'll be at the supermarket or something and think of something perfect to write about...only to forget it by the time I get home.  I swear my terrible short term memory is going to be my downfall someday.  But not yet- you have to be up somewhere to go down.  :-)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE EMBARRASSING MOMENT OF THE WEEK

 This week's winner is:  my sister, Erin.

  Yesterday while driving her car, she commented to me that it was hot in there, yet the temperature was still pointed toward the cool side.  I carefully explained that the temperature gauge is the engine temperature, not the temperature of the car's interior.  :-)

---------------------------------------------------------------------

  Now normally, I hate remakes of songs just on principle.  I know a lot of times it's bands paying tribute to songs they like or maybe it's because they are lacking inspiration or maybe even their label told them they had to.  No matter how they come about, remakes are usually bland and/or uninspired.

  Then there's that one instance where doing a cover can be pure, absolute genius.  I'm talking, of course, about the insane genre-crossing cover.  When this kind of magic is released, I can't help but smile and laugh.  I usually love it.  Even if it's totally stupid, I have to say that I love it because it makes me laugh so hard.  I bring this up because, as some of you may be aware, Paul Anka has a new album out.    AOL Music: Paul Anka Rock Swings 

I can honestly say that the album's title is 100% completely accurate.

Here now, is a partial list of some of my favorite insane genre-crossing covers:

Paul Anka: Smells Like Teen Spirit- Have you, like me, wondered what the heck Cobain is saying?  Wonder no more!  Anka was handed the lyrics and enunciates them quite well.

Other swinging instant classics by Anka: Wonderwall, Eye of the Tiger, and Black Hole Sun (which somehow becomes a teary ballad... LMAO)

Pat Boone- Enter Sandman- Staying in the same vein- back in 1997, Boone released a bizarre collection of heavy metal covers called, "In A Metal Mood: No More Mr. Nice Guy".  I don't know if he was serious or not, but whatever his intentions, this thing is hi-larious.  The best of the bunch is Enter Sandman, where the line "off to Never-Never Land" goes from menacing in the original to really, really gay.

Richard Cheese- Last Resort- I don't know who this guy is, where he came from or where he went to, but in 2000 he released an album called "Lounge Against the Machine" which converted modern rock songs into, what else, a lounge act.  The result: me in stitches.  The Papa Roach cover is my favorite of the bunch, but the whole album is pretty entertaining, especially the covers of Sublime's Wrong Way, NIN's Closer, and Rage Against the Machine's Guerilla Radio.

Me First and The Gimme Gimmes: If you've ever tried to download any older songs, there's a good chance you've come across the Gimmes in your search results.  They are a punk band that takes any old crap imaginable and quickens the pace until the song becomes entirely enjoyable.  I once burned a CD of their stuff- it ended up with 45 tracks.  My favorites include, but are not limited to: I Believe I Can Fly, The Rainbow Connection, Nothing Compares 2 U, Leaving on a Jet Plane, and Rocket Man.

OTHERS:

Johnny Cash covering Hurt by Nine Inch Nails

Wang Chung's rendition of Nelly's Hot in Herre on a recent episode of Hit Me Baby 1 More Time.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

  Anyway, this is turning into a long entry, so here's what I've been listening to this week.  I won't even bother trying to find videos since most of the list I've only ever heard on Sirius 26: Left of Center.  They break stuff before it even breaks.  How's that for hip?  (Not very, I know- but at least I did an entry.)

1. Your Little Hoodrat Friend- The Hold Steady

2. Tear You Apart- She Wants Revenge

3. Dance Music- The Mountain Goats

4. In The Morning- The Coral

5. Feel Good Inc.- Gorillaz

6. My Doorbell- The White Stripes

7. Gangsters & Thugs- Transplants

8. Apply Some Pressure- Maximo Park

9. Oh My God- The Kaiser Chiefs

10. Side 2- Dressy Bessy

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

News and Notes

- Quick correction to the Rules of Treeball:  I spoke to my brother last night and he said that if you set yourself on fire in pursuit of the ball, you actually LOSE ten points.  Otherwise, everyone would go about trying to set themselves on fire instead of playing the game.  (okaaaaay...I guess that's... possible...)

- By eliminating 95% of snacking, just eating meals, and trying to get some kind of exercise every day, I have managed to lose 1 pound in the last week.  Now I'm going to print out an application to become a fitness guru.

- I got my rewards at work this weekend.  A pin, a T-shirt, a gift certificate to Ground Round and the movies, a plaque and up front parking for the month.  Oh, and a lot of jokes from jealous co-workers.

- The DVR has brought the peaks and valleys of my pro wrestling fandom back to a peak.  It's so much easier to watch when you can fast forward throught the bad parts.  Now my problem is that I have no one to talk to about WWE.  Am I the only person I know who still watches wrestling?

- One time in college, my psych professor was talking about his eccentric genius friend and brought up one of the guy's quirks as watching wrestling.  See, wrestling is for geniuses!  There's at least two who watch it.

- I love to fill out those e-mails you get where you answer questions about yourself, but the other day it made me realize the other day that I have not changed what my favorite movies are in a long time.  My favorite drama is Sling Blade and my favorite comedy is Grosse Point Blank.  Surely, some movies have come out in the last ten years that have been at least as good.  I haven't even seen either of those movies in YEARS.  If they were really my favorites, you'd think I would still watch them.  My point is, I think I've fallen into a rut and need to really give the situation some more thought. 

- My wife asked me last night if I was going to write recaps for Six Feet Under.  I said no.  There's only ten episodes left for the entire series, so it's a little late.  I would like to do another show, though.  Any suggestions?

Saturday, June 18, 2005

This Week's Top Ten

Here's what I've been listening to this week... and you should too if you're ever going to get that indie cred.

1. Feel Good Inc.- Gorillaz- Music Archive Videos: Gorillaz: 'Feel Good Inc'

2. Tear You Apart- She Wants Revenge

3. Your Little Hoodrat Friend- The Hold Steady

4. Gangsters and Thugs- Transplants- Music Archive Videos: Transplants: 'Gangsters & Thugs'

5. Banquet- Bloc Party- Music Archive Videos: Bloc Party: 'Banquet'

6. Dance Music- The Mountain Goats

7. Fortress- Pinback

8. When I'm Gone (Sadie)- No Address- Music Archive Videos: No Address: 'When I'm Gone (Sadie)'

9. Looking At the World From the Bottom of a Well- Mike Doughty- Mike Doughty : Haughty Melodic : 'Looking at the World from the Bottom of a Well'

10. I Turn My Camera On- Spoon- Yahoo! Music Videos Player

Kasey's graduation

Keri   <----follow this link to my wife's journal to see pictures of Kasey's pre-school graduation.

Friday, June 17, 2005

LOST- Episode 3: Tabula Rasa

  Previously on LOST- The plane crashed, Jack did his doctor thing and Locke upped his creep factor by asking Walt if he wants to know a secret.

  The show opens with the extras doing their best to sort through the wreckage.  Suitcases and clothes are strewn everywhere and everyone seems to still be a little bit dazed from their ordeal.  Elsewhere, Jack is trying to get his shrapnel patient to stay still, but he keeps muttering things like, "Don't trust her."  Jack is getting frustrated that the guy won't tell him who he is talking about, but then the guy changes the subject and demands the handcuffs that were in his jacket pocket.  Jack goes to get them, but instead finds a print-out of Kate's mugshot.  He stares in disbelief as the marshal goes back to whispering, "She's dangerous."

  The radio team is cranky and starting to bicker as they make their way back to the crashsite.  Sayid suggests they stop and make camp.  That night around the fire, Sayid tries to recreate what happened to their plane and figure out where they crashed.  This bores Sawyer, who would rather talk about the weirdness of the island, like the French transmission they picked up.  Sayid then convinces them not to say anything about what they heard to anyone else because it would take away their hope.

  Back at the beach, Hurley is asking Jack about the encounter with the monster and Jack is forced to admit that he didn't actually see the thing.  Satisfied that the thing is not a dinosaur, Hurley shifts his questions to the marshal's condition, which seems to annoy Jack even more.  Jack gives his grim diagnosis as Hurley discover's Kate's mugshot for himself.  Jack cuts off yet another line of questioning about Kate and walks away. 

  As the others sleep, Boone creeps over and snatches the gun.  Sayid wakes up along with everyone else and they question him.  Boone says he was going to stand guard, considering what is out there.  An argument ensues over who gets to hold the gun, until everyone agrees to Shannon's idea to let Kate hold it.  As Kate takes the gun, she flashes back to when she was sleeping in a barn and woke up with a shotgun pointed at her face.  She explains to the farmer that she walked in from town and tells him that her name is Annie.  He asks if she is hungry.

  Over breakfast, Kate continues to spin her lies, saying she is from Canada and touring Australia by foot after graduating college.  The farmer offers her a job, which "Annie" accepts.

  The expedition returns in the morning and Sayid gathers everyone around to tell them what happened.  His impromptu press conference boils down to one basic lie: They didn't pick anything up and coudn't send a signal out.  Sayid then starts the organization process, asking for help with rationing food, collecting water and gathering electronics so they can boost the transceiver's signal.  As Sayid continues to blah blah blah in the background, Jack and Kate find each other and Kate says she has to tell him something.  They walk down the beach and Kate fills Jack in on the whole French transmission deal.  On Jack's end of the conversation, he lies and tells her that the marshal didn't say anything when he woke up.

  Later, Hurley questions Jack's decision to not tell Kate that he knows about her being a criminal.  Jack states simply that it's not his problem.  Hurley agrees that the marshal will take care of her when he gets better, but Jack doesn't think that will happen without stronger antibiotics.  They need to check the overhead compartments of the plane for more medicine.  Hurley doesn't like that idea, you know, because of the dead bodies. 

  Jack has decided he will do it and crawls into the fuselage with a flashlight.  As if it wasn't creepy enough to be in there, he hears a commotion, which turns out to be Sawyer rummaging around.  Jack scoffs at Sawyer's looting and  tries to take the moral high ground, but Sawyer counters with a good point about wasting all the medicine on a guy who is probably going to die anyway.  Sawyer tells him to look at the big picture.  Jack is still in civilization while he is in the wild.

  The salvage effort continues the next day.  Charlie helps Claire with the heavy lifting, while Jin tells Sun to go clean herself up because she is filthy.  He tells her he loves her, but she walks away in silence.  Elsewhere, Hurley bumps into Kate, who tries to introduce herself, but Hurley is more than a little nervous since in this case, her assumed reputation has preceded her.  He stumbles through telling her where Jack is and then literally runs off.

  A heavy rain begins to fall as Kate stands over and stares at her captor's unconscious face.  She flashes back to the middle of the night at the farm house, where the farmer catches her taking her money out of its hiding place in the pantry.  He tells her he would have held it or she could put it in the bank, but Kate says she has trust issues.  She is leaving and the farmer knows it.  He knows she has some kind of shady past since she clams up everytime he wants to talk about her life, but he had hoped she wouldn't leave in the middle of the night.  He finally convinces her to stay one more night and he will drive her to the train station in the morning.  She smiles at him and he says that he gets it.  "Everyone deserves a fresh start."

  Back to reality, Kate's daydreaming is interrupted when the marshal's eyes bolt open and he grabs at her throat.  They roll around a bit, but Jack comes into the tent to save the day.  All the excitement has made the marshal's condition worse and Jack gives his expert diagnosis that the man needs more water.  Out in the rain, Kate asks if the marshal's death will be quick and a frustrated Jack screams that it won't be.  It will be a three or four day painful ordeal.  Kate asks for the marshal to be put out of his misery, but as a doctor, Jack can't agree to that.  He says he saw the mugshot and he is not a murderer.

  This verbal slap in the face makes Kate think back to the car ride to the train station with the farmer.  Kate notices that he keeps looking in his rearview mirror and sure enough, a truck is behind them and appears to be in hot pursuit.  Kate slowly realizes that she has been set up and the farmer admits that he has known about her for a couple of days when he saw her picture in the post office.  Farmer Ray admits that he turned her in for the $23,000 reward that would help pay his mortgage.  He tries to make things better by saying it was a hard decision.  The marshal pulls up along side them, sees Kate and makes the gun sign with his pointer and thumb.

  It is still pouring rain as Michael tries to construct some better shelter for himself and his son.  As he does this, he questions Walt about the bald guy he was hanging out with.  Walt perplexes his dad by saying that the things they talked about were secret.  This is too much for Michael who presses a little harder and learns that Mr. Locke said a miracle happened to him.  God only knows why this is a secret.  Michael responds that a miracle happened to all of them by surviving a plane crash.  Michael tells Walt not to hang around Locke anymore.  Walt is angry about this but angrier that Michael won't find the dog, Vincent.  Michael says he will try to get the dog back when it stops raining.  Almost instantly, it stops raining.  *insert Twilight Zone music*

  Cut to Michael walking through the jungle, muttering to himself as he looks for Vincent.  He gets nervous when he hears some growling and rustling in the brush.  He makes the probably wise decision to run for it but stops in his tracks when he stumbles onto a topless Sun washing herself.  Michael stammers through explanations and apologies and hands her her top back.

  As the marshal's cries of pain can be heard in the tent, Charlie approaches Locke, who is carving a whistle.  Charlie tries to hint at his own musical talent, eventually forced to say, "I'm in a band." to get his point across.  Locke does not seem interested.  Elsewhere, the cries of pain are getting louder and bothering everyone.  Shannon wishes the man would just die already.  Sayid tells Jack that everyone is getting upset and hints again at the euthanasia issue.

  That night, Sawyer tells Kate that he is glad he doesn't have the gun anymore because he would have put the marshal out of his misery.  Sawyer also mentions that there's only one bullet left, which surely won't become a plot point!

  Jack is in the tent, continuing futilely to try and save the marshal's life.  The marshal gets chatty and tells Jack not to trust her no matter what she says or how she makes him feel because she will do anything to get away.  Jack wants to know what she did, but the marshal demands to talk to her alone.

  Kate stares at the tent where her captor is dying, and flashes back to the continuing car chase on the back roads of Australia.  Kate grabs the wheel and flips their truck off the road.  Kate is okay, but the truck is on fire and the farmer is out cold.  She drags him to safety and in doing so, gets captured by the marshal. 

  In the present, Kate has arrived to chat withthe marshal, who asks what the favor she was going to ask for was.  After a quick repeat flashback to Kate's POV during the crash, she tells the marshal that she wanted him to make sure that the farmer got his reward for turning her in.  This makes the marshal laugh and die a little bit more.  The marshal then asks Kate to put him out of his misery.

  Jack is respecting their privacy by standing outside the tent, when Hurley approaches and questions whether she should be alone in there since she has the gun.  This is news to Jack who rushes toward the tent to find Kate walking out with a sad look on her face.  They make eye contact just as a gun shot rocks the beach's quiet serenity.  Sawyer then comes storming out of the tent with a mean look and a gun in his hand.  Jack is angry, but Sawyer defends himself.  He understands why Jack couldn't do it, but the guy was asking to die.  He didn't like doing it, but it had to be done.  Then a look of shock comes over everyone's faces when they hear a cough.  The marshal is not quite dead.  Only mortally wounded. 

  Jack starts to mop up the blood and discovers that Sawyer missed the heart and punctured a lung- which will take hours to bleed out.  Too bad they only had that one bullet.  I knew that would be important!  Jack tells Sawyer to get out.  Sawyer does so, cursing at himself and smoking as off-camera, Jack ends up being the one to do what needed to be done.

  Early next morning, Locke uses his new whistle to lure Vincent out of the jungle.  He then wakes Michael up and tells him the good news.  He tells him he tied the dog up and thinks Michael should be the one who brings him back.  Michael gives a sleepy, yet sincere thank you.  Elsewhere, Jack is watching the tide roll in when Kate comes by to sit with him.  She wants to tell him what she did, but he says he doesn't want to know.  Everything that happened before the crash doesn't matter anymore.  They all get to start over now.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

AHHHHHH!!!

  I currently have a four-year-old screaming in my face.  After I very nicely wrote down the entire alphabet and their lower case counterparts, she demanded that I then show her all the lower case numbers.  I calmly told her that there is no such thing as lower case numbers, but this was the wrong answer.  She thinks I am just being mean and not showing them to her. *SIGH* 

The Rules of Treeball

  I've come to the realization that there is no tangible way to market the new sport I've created.  If the Nerf people come up with a way to design a Nerf Tree, then more power to them.  I am willingly giving this game away for free to the public.  I hope this doesn't come back to bite me on the ass!

TREEBALL

You will need

1 tree with plenty of leaves and branches to obstruct a ball's reaction to gravity.

1 extra large ball, like you would find in those big cages at the toy store.  The ball should be heavy enough to not get stuck in the tree too easily, but also light enough to have its path manipulated by the tree limbs.

As many other heavier balls as you can gain access to, such as footballs, basketballs or baseballs.

3 or more players

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Set-up: 

Leave all the heavier balls off to the side- you will not need them right away.  Clear the area under the game tree of small children, old people, lovers and poets.  Decide how many points it will take to win or agree to a time limit (such as when the sun goes down and someone could really get hurt in the dark)  Shaking hands with your opponents is optional, but be warned that this game could get violent.  Select one person to start with the big ball- not a big deal, usually the first person to grab it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Game Play:

The player with the ball stands a few feet away from the tree and punts (kicks) it up and into the depths of the tree as high as possible.  At this point, the other players jockey for position and try to determine where the ball is going to come down.  If the kick was done well, the ball should bounce around Price is Right Plinko style from branch to branch, making the judgment of where the ball is going to go part of the fun.  Whoever ends up with the ball scores and becomes the next kicker.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Scoring: 

-After the kick, the kicker stands back and watches the melee- he or she cannot score on his or her own kick.

- A player scores 1 point for gaining possession of the ball.

- If the player catches the ball on the fly (before it hits the ground) he or she will score 2 points (instead of 1).

- If the kick does not make contact with any part of the tree, the kicker loses 1 point.  Scoring remains normal for the other players.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Stuck Ball:

It is inevitable that while playing Treeball, the ball will get stuck at some point.  Rather than ending the game, this only makes things more interesting and rewards determined players.  When the ball gets stuck, all the players, kicker included, race to the collection of heavier balls and throw them up toward the game ball.  Whichever player is the one to knock the game ball free scores 5 points.  Particularly brave players can try climbing the tree to rescue the ball.  (One famous case was our friend Sean spending at least an hour in the tree battling bird nests to free a really stuck ball.  While the rest of us went inside to eat cake, he stayed out there and got the ball.  He didn't score much during regular play, but won the game almost solely on rescues.  Rescuing stuck balls can be huge.)

Note: If you are using a good tree, it is entirely possible that the heavier balls can also get stuck.  There is no scoring for rescuing the rescue balls, but you will feel good about saving them.  Especially if it's a softball signed by your entire rec team roster. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Disputes: 

I have been fortunate to play this game with honest people with good sportsmanship who rarely argue, but if a dispute ever does arise- such as a player catching the ball and having it knocked out of his hands- majority rules will determine the ruling.  If there is a tie, it will be broken by the kicker.  The way we play, anything goes under that tree- there are no fouls- but generally, we play nice and there has never been any anger over the game.  Also, players are responsible for their own score for the most part.  Usually what we will do is announce what our score is before we make our next kick.  This gives everyone an idea of who is winning.  If you can't rely on the honor system and need to write everything down, that will ruin the flow of the game, but do what you have to do to keep things fair.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Optional rules

These rules are by no means set in stone- you can use them or not use them for all I care.  If you play this game and come up with a good idea, I would love to hear it. 

The only thing I haven't mentioned is tiki torches.  If there are some nearby and you set yourself on fire in pursuit of the ball, then you score 10 points.  When I made that rule, I was joking....I think.  No one has ever scored that way, but my brother came close.  I don't recommend implementing it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

This is not the only game I've invented.  Check back here for how to play Football/Basketball.  Never could come up with a name for that hybrid sport, but it is still fun.   

Saturday, June 11, 2005

What a day...

  I got it.  My boss made the announcement at our morning meeting that I was named the Associate of the Month.  Since Wal-mart abbreviates everything, some of the guys call it the Ass of the Month.  It's shorter.

  It's actually a little more difficult to get than it sounds.  Since I only work in a department with ten other people- that area doesn't get its own award to give out.  They lump us into "Support" with janitors and loss prevention dudes.  So I had to beat all those people, plus all the other nominees from the other shifts.  Now I just sit back and bask in the glory.  Yeah right.  Maybe I'll get a congratulatory phone call from Magic Johnson.  (Anyone but my brother can answer what that is a reference to)

  In other news, it's hot.  And for some reason, they don't put air conditioners in 300 door warehouses.  So not only did I sweat in places that don't normally sweat (like behind my ears), I also got some wicked heat rash.  Yuck! :(  I had to stop at the store and buy diaper cream.  A grown man using diaper cream!

  I would also like to thank my wife for going into Best Buy yesterday and finding out that my broken Sirius was under extended warranty until 2008.  So I got a replacement last night.  Now if only I could hook it up- it's not technically the same radio and it hooks up a little differently, so I am keeping my fingers crossed that I can get it hooked up the right way.

  As long as I'm revealing disturbing things about myself, like what rashes I get, I guess I should share this too.  While shaving, I discovered that the double chin I get when I look down, no longer disappers completely when I look straight ahead.  So after I remembered that this morning at work, I threw away my breakfast cookies and swore off everything.  I was drinking water today.  That's how serious I am.  I cannot and will not have a double chin.  I've got book flap photos to think about!  Not to mention an Ass of the Month picture...

Top Ten:

1. Feel Good Inc.- Gorillaz

2. Chocolate- Snow Patrol

3. When I'm Gone (Sadie)- No Address

4. Banquet- Bloc Party

5. Love in a Trashcan- The Raveonettes

6. I Turn My Camera On- Spoon

7. Tear You Apart- She Wants Revenge

8. Decent Days and Nights- The Futureheads

9. Sugar, We're Goin' Down- Fall Out Boy

10. Fortress- Pinback

  I was interrupted on #7 by a very persistent cat cry.  Upon closer investigation, Toby had hung himself from a curtain and couldn't get his claw off.  Funny stuff.  Speaking of Toby, he climbed into bed the other day and laid down next to me.  Then he purred for the very first time.  I love my cats.  I sure do, Mom.

Friday, June 10, 2005

One More Show

  Yesterday we watched two episodes of  NBC.com > Hit Me Baby One More Time  One was on NBC last night and the other was on Bravo earlier in the day- I suppose it was a replay of last week's show on NBC Thursday.  I don't watch NBC too much, so I didn't know it had started.  Anyway, they bring back a bunch of 80's and 90's novelties, one hit wonders or fallen from grace stars and let them have one more moment in the spotlight.  Yesterday alone, I got to find out what happened to Loverboy, The Knack, Tommy Tutone and even Vanilla Ice. (That was the funniest part of the show- Vanilla Ice telling the people to sing along and then holding the mic out to absolute, stone cold silence.)  My wife was happy to see Tiffany.  The show is a lot of fun and you should check it out.  Even if it's just to see how old some of these people have gotten.  :)  

Next week Wang Chung is going to be on! 

Thursday, June 9, 2005

Stuff

  Not much going on this week- but I haven't posted since Monday so I thought I should put something in here.  And that something is the stuff we've been watching lately.

Beauty and the Geek: Pretty funny stuff and a passable way to spend a summer night.  B+

White Noise:  Has its moments, but the premise is more intriguing than the plot.  C+

Boogeyman:  Total garbage.  The 7th consecutive horror movie I've been disappointed in.  I almost fell asleep in the middle.  D

The Comeback: I expected this to be a lot funnier than it was.  The clueless former big shot with a false sense of entitlement is played a whole lot more brilliantly by half the cast of Arrested Development.  I will watch again, but with lower expectations.  C

Six Feet Under: Every time I want to cancel HBO, SFU comes back and is fabulous.  LOST may have knocked it out of Favorite Show status, but the show is still brilliant and I will be more than a little disappointed that this is the last season.  A 

Monday, June 6, 2005

The Weekend

  Yes, I wanted to write about the last few days, but right now I am trying to suppress my rage.  The PS2 is not working, and when I asked Kasey about it, she said, probably because I stepped on it.  This kid!

  Anyway, while in Albany playing the Mexican Train Game (dominoes) with my family, I coined a new phrase.  We often attribute things to 'dumb luck', but what about 'smart luck'?  Maybe I'm feeling a little cocky about winning all three games we played, but I like to think that my observation skills and making smart moves comes into play sometimes.  Now that I've invented smart luck, I'm sure I will lose every game for the rest of the summer.

***

  Mallrats is widely regarded as Kevin Smith's worst film, but I and most people I know have always loved it.  Jason Lee's over the top bad acting steals the movie, but you've also got Claire Forlani's all over the place American accent, and a before he was famous Ben Affleck.  When Shannen Doherty is the best actor you've got, you know you're making a classic.  Fortunately, the script is really funny and the terrible acting somehow makes it better- the movie is about slackers, so perhaps sloppy acting is appropriate- anyway, it works. 

  Why do I bring this up?  Because as my brother flipped through channels Friday night, he came across a crime.  Mallrats was being aired on the WE network and was billed as a chick flick!  What?????  This is really a five question mark question.  If a channel for women wants to air a chick flick, I have no problem with that, but at least have the decency to know what one is.  There are plenty of other movies to pick from.  There are other Kevin Smith movies to pick from!  How about Jersey Girl?

  However, if there's one thing that can save a movie being aired on network television, it is hilariously bad editing.  I wish I had felt like watching this thing all the way through (but I had a domino game to dominate), because I can tell this would have brought a whole new level to the comedy.  In one early scene I did see, the censors really outdid themselves in the their efforts to protect our sensitive ears from that most heinous of bad words...no, not that one... I'm talking about .... heh heh   FART.  That's right, you can't say 'fart' on television.  And so a once funny scene becomes ONE HUNDRED MILLION times more horrifying.

  Brodie (Jason Lee) has just been dumped by his girlfriend and speculates that it is because he farted while she was going down on him.  The censors had a problem with this, so they changed it to 'I vomited on her while we were fooling around'.  What?????  I know you have to edit that dialogue, but how is vomit less offensive?  Good lord!  That is a much more disturbing image to be left with and on top of that makes the rest of the dialogue make very little sense.  'I never vomited in front of her before.'  'What can I say?  I was relaxed at the time!'  I know I'm always puking on people when I get too comfortable with them.  LOL

***

   So as a 'treat' for going 42 days accident free, our Assistant General Manager decided to get up at our general assembly and play the guitar for us.  I rolled my eyes and expected some country bumpkin crap, since most of this area doesn't know that we're above the Mason-Dixon line.  Much to my surprise, he was actually pretty good and played a couple of contemporary rock songs.  'Push' by Matchbox 20 and 'She Will Be Loved' by Maroon 5.  It was nice to see that I am not the only one squandering talent at Wal-mart. ;-)

Saturday, June 4, 2005

This Week's Top Ten

Here's what I'm listening to this week:

1. Banquet- Bloc Party- Music Archive Videos: Bloc Party: 'Banquet'

2. Sadie (When I'm Gone)- No Address- Music Archive Videos: No Address: 'When I'm Gone (Sadie)'

3. Tear You Apart- She Wants Revenge

4. Love in a Trashcan- The Raveonettes- Music Archive Videos: The Raveonettes: 'Love in a Trashcan'

5. I Turn My Camera On- Spoon

6. Decent Days and Nights- The Futureheads 

7. Sugar, We're Goin' Down- Fall Out Boy- Music Archive Videos: Fall Out Boy: 'Sugar, We're Goin Down'

8. Ohio is for Lovers- Hawthorne Heights- Music Archive Videos: 1 of 7: Hawthorne Heights: 'Ohio Is for Lovers'

9. Feel Good Inc.- Gorillaz- Music Archive Videos: Gorillaz: 'Feel Good Inc'

10. Jerk it Out- Caesars- Music Archive Videos: Caesars: 'Jerk It Out'

Straight Up

  Okay, here is what I was so excited to get my hands on.  Before we moved to upstate NY, my father drove a limo in NYC.  One day, he happened to encounter a washed-up pop star by the name of Paula Abdul.  (This was before the Idol comeback)  My dad is a friendly guy and got to chatting with her- he even went so far as to mention how my brother was a big fan of hers back when she was a star- I'm sure he didn't put it like that, but you get the point.  He even mentioned how Jeff had taken her poster down off his wall after a while. 

  And so, when he got her autograph on behalf of my brother, this is what Miss Abdul wrote:

 paula.jpg

I don't know if you'll be able to read it, but it says:

Hey Jeff- I hope school and football are treating you well.  Best of luck XOXO  Paula Abdul

PS- You didn't have to tear down my poster- I'm still 'Forever Your Girl'

 

See- not only is she as sweet as she seems on TV- she's funny too!  LMAO

Friday, June 3, 2005

Answers

1. Gwyneth Paltrow, Kevin Spacey, Julia Roberts, Morgan Freeman- Se7en

2. Matt Damon, Randy Quaid, Bill Pullman, Jeff Goldblum- Independence Day

3. William H. Macy, Tea Leoni, Sam Neill, Andy Garcia- Jurassic Park III

4. Jack Nicholson, Martin Short, Carl Reiner, Danny DeVito- Mars Attacks!

5. Benicio Del Toro, Bruce Willis, Gabriel Byrne, Chazz Palminteri- The Usual Suspects 

6. Catherine Zeta-Jones, Tom Hanks, Vin Diesel, Matt Damon- Saving Private Ryan

7. Jeff Bridges, George Clooney, Julianne Moore, John Goodman- The Big Lebowski

8. Jude Law, Julia Roberts, Natalie Portman, Robbie Coltrane- Closer

9. Tommy Lee Jones, Vincent D'Onofrio, Albert Finney, Will Smith- Men In Black

10. Casey Affleck, Renee Zellweger, Aaron Eckhart, Chris Rock- Nurse Betty

11. Vince Vaughn, Topher Grace, Ben Stiller, Rip Torn- Dodgeball

12. Gene Hackman, Ernest Borgnine, Elliott Gould, Leslie Nielsen- The Poseidon Adventure

13. Colin Farrell, Brad Pitt, Kiefer Sutherland, Katie Holmes- Phone Booth

14. Cuba Gooding Jr., Whoopi Goldberg, Don Cheadle, Rowan Atkinson- Rat Race

15. Julia Roberts, etc, etc... Ocean's Twelve

Congratulations once again to my brother- the winner with 11 out of 15 correct.

I am at my parents' house at the moment and I have obtained something very interesting.  I can't wait to get home to the scanner and share it with you all.  You will love it!  Promise.

Wednesday, June 1, 2005

News and Notes

  I realized Lisa is right- I haven't written anything about myself in a while.  You know why?  Because I'm boring!  Isn't that why writers become writers in the first place?  Because nothing ever interesting happens to them in their regular lives.  But I'll try.

-Let's see.  My wife didn't read the package when she bought hot dogs, so I'm stuck eating ones that have cheese inside them.  How was that?

-The hamster is still alive but he never does anything and no one ever pays attention to him.  His cage is now on top of Kasey's dresser and my wife wants to give him away.  No takers yet because who would want a hamster anyway?

- The kittens are also still alive.  They are getting used to it here- now they only run away from us most of the time instead of ALL the time.  Kasey is traumatizing them by carrying them around the house as much as possible.

-I took Kasey to see Madagascar on Monday and it was so bad I couldn't even muster the strength to write a review.  I guess I'm just getting tired of cartoons with a slew of celebrity voices making an easy buck and all the adult jokes being tired movie references.  I suppose this is my life now since the last four films I've seen in the theater are Madagascar, Robots, Spongebob and The Incredibles.  All I want is to see Star Wars and I just haven't gotten there yet.

-Oh, I do have one important thing to say, particularly to Lisa, who I know wants to get Sirius.  DO NOT BUY any Audiovox products.  After only thirteen months,  six of which the thing was not being used, my radio just completely conked out on me.  It was getting really annoying a few weeks ago when I would push a preset button and it would shut itself off- then last week it stopped coming back on.  I thought maybe my cigarette lighter was broken, but I plugged the radio into my mom's car and still nothing.  Now I have to replace the whole thing and every time I have to drive around in silence, it irritates me more and more.  When I do get the money to get the new equipment, I am definitely going to buy from a different company.  Boo Audivox!  Boo!