Tooth saga

(watching a commercial for some new show)

Keri: They should make a really great show, then never advertize it and see what happens.

Me: It was called Arrested Development.

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  Right now, I keep spitting blood and my lips are all red.  I look like a vampire.  Or Jack Bauer after escaping captivity.  But let's start at the beginning.

  Saturday I woke up in excruciating pain.  One of my teeth was throbbing like crazy and would not stop hurting.  This is the kind of pain that almost makes me crazy and/or brings me to tears.  As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing worse than a toothache.  Sometimes a toothace is just one of the symptoms I get when I'm coming down with a cold.  Several times I've had them, even bad like this one, and they have gone away.  But this was a persistent sucker and we were forced to take advantage of our dentist's emergency hotline that night.  This is apparently just his cellphone.  I couldn't believe we could just call up the dentist and talk to him, but that's what happened.

  There was some confusion as to what Eckerd he called in a prescription to, but we made it to the right one with ten minutes to spare.  All day yesterday I had to take an antibiotic every 8 hours and alternate between Vicodin and wicked strong Ibuprofen every 3 hours.  Even the glorious, habit-forming dizzy high of painkillers wasn't enough to mask the toothache so I spent all day yesterday loopy, yet still in pain.  Not fun.  But at least the Patriots won.  That means we get another chapter in the Colts-Pats saga, my second favorite team is still alive, I won five bucks at work and my wife took a 1 game lead in our family pool.  The Patriots winning was very good indeed.

  In the middle of the night, I had a dream about a high-pitched humming noise I could  not get to shut off.  I beat the shit out of a stereo with a baseball bat but the noise would not stop.  Then I woke up and realized the noise was real.  My wife had left the TV on and it was emitting a loud test pattern noise.  I laughed and went back to sleep after shutting it off.

  This morning, the toothache woke me up.  Can't take painkillers while you're asleep!  I drugged up and went back to sleep.  When I woke up at a more reasonable hour, I called the dentist and they fit me in at 11.  I waited a long time, not in the waiting room but once I got into the chair.  Then we all waited a long time for the double shot of novocaine to take effect.  Then the doctor pulled the roots out in less than 5 minutes.  I had my mp3 player with me and the whole procedure once it got going took the same amount of time it takes to listen to We Used To Be Friends, by the Dandy Warhols. 

  When I got out of there, I had gauze jammed in my mouth and I wa shaking like a leaf.  Having things pulled is very invasive.  I am spitting blood now and dreading what this is going to feel like when the 'caine wears off.  I anticipate a continuing need for the Vicodin and am about to call in sick to work.  All I want to do now is rest.  My stomach is growling like crazy but I don't think I will be able to eat today.

The end.