Captain Cranky

Have you ever taken a step back from yourself and just realized- Hey, I'm in a bad mood!  What's up with that? 

See, I recorded the NFL's opening game last night while I was at work and spent all night hoping I wouldn't overhear anything.  Then on the way home, I popped in a CD just in case a DJ might talk about it.  Then this morning I didn't enter the kitchen because I know my father watches Sportscenter and again, I didn't want to hear anything.  But then I got called by my wife and I said, 'I don't want to come because I was watching the game and don't want to go near the TV in the kitchen'.  My dad thought I said that I DID want to know what happened- and the rest is history.  Seems silly now that this is what I was mad about, but people have been way more upset about way stupider things I am sure. 

  So I had my morning plans spoiled... but then, about an hour later, I realized how stupid it was to be mad.  Then I further realized that maybe only sleeping 4-5 hours a night and routinely going 16-24 hours without eating anything is probably a major contributor to my mood.  I like my job, but I will have to get a better handle on what it does to me.

  As I watched the football game in triple fast forward, I even further realized that I had been spared a whole lot of grief.  I hate the Steelers!  Well, not the team, but their fans.  

  And so that's how I've decided to channel my cranky rage.  Every Friday is going to be Captain Cranky Day in The VCH. 

WHY I HATE STEELERS FANS

by Captain Cranky

  I hate Steelers fans because they do not confine themselves to Pittsburgh.  At least with the Cowboys, you can argue that before the league blew up in popularity, markets that didn't have a team showed them so that's why they have fans everywhere.  I buy that...slightly.  But every Steeler fan that lives in Albany, NY or Bergen County, NJ or Sarasota, FL or Lincoln, NE is only a "fan" of the team because they've been winning.  And some of them say, "Oh, I've been a fan of them since the 70's."  Well, gee, isn't that around the time they were winning every other Super Bowl.  What a coincidence that that was the exact time you started liking them! 

But that reason is not exclusive to the Pittsburgh Steelers or football for that matter.  There's more.

  The Steeler fan is arrogant and obnoxious and takes ridiculous sports obsessions to a higher, or more accurately, a lower level.  Now I love football and I love the NY Giants, but I can distance myself from them.  I don't feel the need to define myself through the team.  I try not to use "we" when talking about the Giants... 

  I just sat here for ten minutes massaging my temples.  I've decided I can't even put into words why the Steelers fans bug me so much.  I know every team in every sport has its obnoxious superfans who are so in your face and care way too much, but with the Steelers, ugh, I don't know.  I know what it is about local fans- it's that you should not identify so closely with a place you've never even been to.  Show some civic pride!  You live in the place where the NY Giants hold training camp.  There shouldn't be local bars that cater only to Pittsburgh fans, but somehow there is.  Somehow the Steelers have taken on this false hard-working, blue-collar everyman persona and it makes me angry.  Everyone on that team is a millionaire just like on every other team.  They're not "just like you and me" and for their silly fans to say that the Steelers winning is some kind of anti-establishment victory for the little guys is ridiculous.    

  The Steeler fan is more selfish and self-centered than any other fans I've met.  As I said, I am a Giants fan, but I am firstly a football fan and have a vast knowledge of the game which I put to good use when discussing the league.  I can talk to anyone about football and about their team regardless of who they root for.  A Steelers fan does not want to talk about football.  A Steelers fan only wants to talk about the Steelers.  Try as I might, I have never been able to steer a football conversation with a Steelers fan away from their team for more than three minutes.  If it doesn't relate to the black and gold, then it doesn't matter to them.  I guess that's part of the ridiculous obsession I mentioned.  They shun peripheral knowledge of their favorite sport to remain tunnel-visioned on their own team. 

In closing I would like to say- waving a towel is stupid.  Having the logo on only only one side of your helmet is stupid.  Naming your stadium after ketchup is stupid.  Having the names on the back of your jersey be yellow instead of white is stupid.  And having the refs in your pocket, as they did yet again last night, is VERY stupid.  And wrong.

I hate Pittsburgh.

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Here's what I've been listening to this week:

1. Fidelity- Regina Spektor

2. Le Disko- Shiny Toy Guns

3. Penny on the Traintracks- Ben Kweller

4. Love Me or Hate Me- Lady Sovereign

5. Alive With the Glory of Love- Say Anything

6. Fire Island, AK- The Long Winters

7. Bang Bang, You're Dead- Dirty Pretty Things

8. The Compromise- The Format

9. Let's Make Love and Listen to Death From Above- CSS

10. Long Distance Call- Phoenix