LOST- Episode 19: Deus Ex Machina

  Previously on LOST: Locke was denied his place on the Australian walkabout, regained his ability to walk after the plane crash and found a hatch in the ground.

  We open in flashback mode to a busy Wal-mart-looking place where Locke (with hair, but barely) is working in the toy department.  He explains his display of the board game Mouse Trap to a young boy, but is interrupted by a woman in a fur coat who seems to want to speak specifically with Locke.  He offers assistance and she asks where the footballs are.  Aisle 8 for regulation, 15 for Nerf.  815! BOM BOM BOM!  You would think this would trigger the creepy LOST title screen, but it doesn't.

  In the present, Locke and Boone are trying to open the hatch by breaking the glass on the door with some crazy contraption- Locke gives it a name, but you'll have to consult a professional recapper with access to a script- I don't even try to spell French words.  Anyway, basically what they do is drop a tree trunk with a piece of metal tied to it right onto the glass panel.  As they are setting it up, Boone asks Locke why he never talks about his life.  Locke replies that his life story is boring.  They spring their contraption but it collapses upon impact with the hatch- not even making a dent.  Locke throws an uncharacteristic temper tantrum and screams, "This was supposed to work!"  Boone points out that Locke has a piece of shrapnel stuck in his leg- Locke pulls it out and it is covered with BLOOD!  

  At camp that night, Locke tends to his wound and begins to prick himself in the legs with a pin.  Not satisfied with the results, he takes a stick out of the fire and burns the bottom of his foot.  Apparently, he feels nothing.  This unfortunate development is what finally triggers that creepy LOST title screen we all know and love.

  The next day, a cranky Locke begins to rebuild his hatch-opening contraption , but Boone's lack of faith is trying his patience.  Locke then flashes back to the 'not Wal-mart' parking lot where a flyer for a LOST dog is on his windshield.  That's not the big news though- the big news is that that fur coat lady is watching him again.  He chases after her, gets knocked over by a car, gets back up and catches up to the woman. She tells him that she is his mother.

  This news is enough for them to have a cup of coffee together.  She tells him that he is very special and their meeting is a sign of great things to come.  Locke asks about his father, but Mom drops the bombshell that Locke was immaculately conceived.  Okay, so she's crazy.

  Over at the garden, Sawyer asks Sun if she is sure he gave her the right magic healing leaf because nothing is happening.  Kate asks what is going on, but Sawyer won't tell her and walks off.  Sun reveals that Sawyer is suffering from headaches and aspirin and magic leaves are not helping.  Kate returns to Cavetown to consult a doctor, but Jack is reluctant to help.  He says all he would get for his trouble is a one-liner and a new nickname.

  At the hatch, Locke tells Boone that he is late for work and Boone replies that he is done working.  Boone says that they can't open the hatch- Locke replies with his classic catchphrase, "Don't tell me what I can't do."  He says that the island will send them a sign.  Boone mocks this comment, until a crashing little plane flies by over their heads.  Things start to get weird now.  Boone begins cut-scening back and forth between being normal and being battered and bloodied.  He repeats, "Theresa falls down the stairs.  Theresa falls up the stairs."  Locke also sees his mother pointing toward the plane crash and finds himself back in the wheelchair.  He awakens from his dream in a panic, but when he calms down, a look of recognition passes over his face.

  As the sun rises, Locke wakes Boone up and they set off for the jungle.  Locke flashes back to his meeting with a PI at work.  The man tells him all about his schizopherenic mother.  He is reluctant to hand over the information about Locke's father, but Locke insists on having it.  Locke takes the blood red folder and drives his blood red VW bug to the gates of Anthony Cooper, his father's house.  They share a drink and Dad invites his son hunting.  Locke happily accepts- he's never been hunting before.

  In the present, Locke tells Boone about his crazy dream.  Boone is skeptical, but Locke mentioning Theresa gets his attention and they set off tofind the dream plane.  At the beach, Jack finds Sawyer in a typically grumpy mood.  Jack doesn't have much patience for his patient, but he does learn that Sawyer's uncle died of a brian tumor, which may or may not be important.  Sawyer declines Jack's offer to run a few tests.

  Locke and Boone travel deeper into the jungle, with Boone still questioning the dream.  Locke trips and after he gets up, he notices a rosary bead hanging from a branch.  He pulls a rope and a rotting skeleton falls from a tree.

  After commercials, Locke is LOST in his memories again- this time he thinks back to showing up early for a visit with Dad and finds him getting dialysis treatment for a failing kidney.  Dad says not to worry- it won't spoil their day together.

  Locke and Boone study the corpse- the man was a priest from Nigeria.  Locke speculates that he has been dead anywhere from two to ten years.  Locke is a lot of things, but he's not a CSI.  He does question the dead guy's priesthood when he finds a gun.

Kate drags Sawyer by force to see Jack who runs his follow the pen test and asks some wildly inappropriate questions about STDs and prostitutes.  To avoid revealing any more embarrassing things, Sawyer storms off in anger.  Jack tells Kate that the man needs glasses.

  In the jungle, Locke continues to deny that anything is wrong with him, even though he can barely walk.  He finally collapses and is forced to tell Boone his wheelchair secret.  He starts spouting his crazy magic theories- convinced that the island wants them to find the plane.  Perhaps not believing but still impressed by the man's determination, Boone picks Locke up and helps him move forward.

  Locke has a quick flashback to some father-son bonding.  Locke beams with pride when his dad is proud of him for shooting down a bird and Dad is thankful that crazy Mom ended up bringing them together.

  A tired Boone drops Locke for a second and reveals that Theresa was his nanny.  She fell down the stairs and broke her neck when Boone was six.  That's right- six!!!  Oh wait, I don't think six is one of the special numbers.  Sorry.  Locke starts laughing, which angers Boone, until he realizes that Locke has seen the plane they are looking for, dangling precariously above them on the edge of a cliff.

  Locke is sure that the answers to all their questions are inside that plane, so he sends Boone climbing up the cliff to get in.  Locke then flashes back to pre-surgery with Dad.  Locke is giving up one of his kidneys.  Dad thanks him and Locke tells him it was meant to be.

  Back at the beach, Jack tells Sawyer that he is getting headaches from all the reading he does and offers a wide selection of glasses.  When they find the right prescription for both eyes, Sayid uses primitive welding techniques to make one new pair of glasses out of two.  The weird spectacles draw some laughs from Hurley and the others, but at least Sawyer's problem is solved.

  Back to more important things- Boone makes it up the cliff after some time-killing missteps and gets into the plane.  Unfortunately, all he finds are maps and statuettes of the Virgin Mary filled with heroin.  Locke is disheartened and questions out loud why the island would send them to a drug smuggler's plane.  Before he can get a good cry going, he hears the plane rocking on the edge of the cliff and yells for Boone to get out ASAP.  But perhaps more importantly, Boone has found the radio- and it works!  Someone answers him on the other end, but before a rescue can be arranged, the plane does a nose dive off the cliff.  Locke struggles to get up and drag a bloodied and unconscious Boone out of the wreckage.

  In Cavetown, Jack and Kate have some 'Aren't we sexy?' banter but are interrupted by Locke returning to camp with his injured friend.  He tells Jack that Boone fell off a cliff while hunting (almost believable since he is such a klutz!).  Jack goes to work and asks Locke exactly what happened.  Locke is already gone and can't answer, however.

He has snuck away to have a flashback to post-surgery.  Dad's hospital bed is already made and he is gone.  As a confused Locke wonders what happened, Mom stops by to tell him that all Dad wanted was the kidney and she got some money out of him to supply one.  Dad arranged the whole thing, including Mom finding Locke to begin with.  This is just too unbelievable, so Locke returns to the gate of his father's house where the security guard won't let him in.  Coming to the realization that his Dad is not a "cool guy" and is, in fact, quite heartless and selfish, Locke breaks down and cries on the side of the road in anger and heartbreak.

  In the present, Locke is again crying and in the midst of a mental breakdown.  He pounds on the hatch and yells about how he has done everything asked of him.  It is then that Locke's faith is finally rewarded- a light comes on from inside the hatch window.  We leave Locke staring in wonder at the haunting glow and fade out for the night.

  Next week on LOST- Jack promises to not let Boone die, Claire goes into labor forcing Kate and Charlie to become impromptu midwives and Boone asks Jack to just let him go.  You know, like, die.

Reactions

Project: Greenlight: I am loving this show more by the second.  John Gulager (yeah, that's the director's name- how could I forget?) really started to come around tonight.  You could see Chris Moore was just beaming with pride that his pep talk at lunch worked when John started to speak up at the meetings.  I was happy for him too- as a fellow artist who sucks at public speaking.  John made a good point that any argument he makes could be easily ended by his opponents' saying, "Where were you a month ago?" but he overcame all this and is really starting to look like a director now.

  Then of course in the very next segment, the casting director uses that very logic when she says, "He won a contest...He doesn't get it."  Hey, lady- I'm on your side about not casting the guys' whole family, but you need to have a little more respect for the head of the project.  It seems like she had little respect for him based on the fact that he is a contest winner and that little bit of respect was lost when he wanted to do the family thing.  There's clearly some bitterness and friction here and it's making me uncomfortable- just get the darn movie cast and get her off the screen.

  Having said that- casting his whole family is the wrong thing to do and fighting for it as hard as he did was totally unprofessional and made John look very bad.

Next week: Will John be fired over this issue?  (I doubt it since he is listed as the director on imdb)

The Amazing Race:  Tonight was another stellar episode of the best reality show out there.  Just when you think it's okay to start rooting for Boston Rob and Amber, they go and do something heartless like not stop at the scene of the accident.  How evil do you have to be to keep racing on a television show when people's lives are literally at stake?  I have not liked the gay guys and their seeminly unfounded hatred of the Survivors, but they were right about them in this instance. 

  Then the end was one of those rare occassions when there is an actual footrace to decide elimination.  I just had to root for the brothers to come back from the car crash and I was on my feet and excited when they actually did it.  Good riddance to that bickering couple.  The brothers deserved to keep going way more than they did anyway.

American Idol:  I have to admit I didn't pay too much attention tonight.  I was online and no particular performance drew me away from this screen to the other.  The craziest part of this season has been Paula Abdul.  She clearly gets bombed before every show now.  I am two for two predicting eliminations thus far, but it has been admittedly easy.  A much tougher call this week, but I'll go with Anthony.  He was bottom three last week and I think Nadia's fans will not let that close call happen again.  Plus, we have to start losing guys, don't we? 

More TV

  I used my (unpaid!) day off yesterday to have a nice holiday with the in-laws.  Hope everyone else's was good too.  Last night, an officer came to our door and told us that our neighbor's house across the street was broken into.  But they didn't take anything.  Weird, huh?

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  Not too much on television yesterday before the basketball games came on so I got to watch Bravo and get caught up on Project: Greenlight.  I never watched the show when it was on HBO because 1) it was boring and 2) I always forget to check HBO on the rare occassions when I do channel surf. (Don't get me wrong- I watch a lot of TV- it's just that I usually tune in for something- not surf)  This incarnation of the show is really neat, however since they are making a low-budget horror movie.  To add to the drama, Ben, Matt and company made a very strange choice to give the directing chance to.  I don't remember his name and I'm not going to look it up, but he has already made things very interesting. 

  First, he had no business being hired because he couldn't articulate two consecutive sentences in the interview and no one had any idea what his vision for the film is.  They hired him anyway- I guess because his audition tape was the best.  Then, even when he is supposed to take over and, you know, DIRECT, he still doesn't do it.  I can totally sympathize with getting lost in your own head and not being able to communicate what you are trying to do- but if I was going on speaker phone with the guy who was going to set my budget- I would try to overcome my nerves by at least having some notes prepared.

  Worse than that, when he does take a stand on something- it ends up being laughably unprofessional.  The guy is absolutely insistent on hiring his own family for 4 of the 9 major roles in the movie.  He barely participated in the casting process because he had it all cast in his mind with his brother, dad, girlfriend, etc...  I sided with the casting director, who looks like she wants to strangle the guy. 

  I never thought I would add another reality show to my viewing habits, but all of a sudden I can't wait until Tuesday night to see what "horrors" await the people making thehorror movie, "Feast."

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  On the cartoon front, Kasey and I have both been getting a lot of enjoyment out of Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.  Last week's episode was the first time I can ever remember laughing hysterically at a kid's show.  When children outgrow their imaginary friends, they ship them off to this home until a new kid adopts them- hilarity ensues.  Cartoon Network also becomes the "Adult Swim"at night and they have some very funny stuff- I particularly enjoy The Venture Brothers and Robot Chicken- an oddball show where Seth Green brings the toys of our childhood to life for bizarre skits.

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So here's an updated list of everything I watch on TV- I'm hoping that by listing them all, I will realize how pathetic it all is and cut back a little!

Monday- WWE Monday Night Raw

Tuesday- American Idol, The Amazing Race, Project: Greenlight

Wednesday- LOST, Idol results, The King of Queens

Thursday- Survivor, CSI, Joey

Friday- Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends

Saturday- nothing!!! :)

Sunday- The Simpsons, Arrested Development, Desperate Housewives, Adult Swim

This Week's Top Ten

  I've included a link to a site that has the video for my new favorite song.  It's near the bottom of the page and played pretty easily on my AOL player.  This song just grabbed me from the first time I heard it.  It's sad, hopeful, haunting and beautiful all at the same time.

1. Sunnyroad- Emiliana Torrini- EMILIANA TORRINI - New single Sunny Road - released on Rough Trade on February 21st.

2. Jerk It Out- Caesars-AOL Music: Caesars: 'Jerk It Out' --currently seen on the new ipod commercial.

3. The Bucket- Kings of Leon- AOL Music: Kings Of Leon: 'The Bucket'

4. Evil- Interpol- AOL Music: Interpol: 'Evil'

5. Catch My Disease- Ben Lee

6. Goodnight, Goodnight- Hot Hot Heat- AOL Music: Hot Hot Heat: 'Goodnight, Good...

7. Galvanize- Chemical Brothers- AOL Music: Chemical Brothers: 'Galvanize'

8. We Will Become Silhouettes- The Postal Service- Yahoo! Music Videos Player

9. Strange Design- Midnight Movies

10. Ghettochip Malfunction (Hell Yes!)- Beck

Rhapsody Playlist Adds:

Strange Design- Midnight Movies

Decent Days and Nights- The Futureheads

FLASHBACK:

AOL Music: The Used: 'The Taste of Ink'

The LOST board

LOST - Home  Anyone who is a fan of ABC's Lost should come check out this new message board created by one of my friends online.  The talk is friendly and there is zero tolerance for flaming and whatnot.  They were even nice enough to give me my very own thread where you can find all my episode recaps arranged in proper order!  So go register over there and come join the fun.  They even have food. 

LOST- Episode 13: Hearts and Minds

*Originally posted on January 13, 2005*   LOST- Episode 13- Hearts and Minds

  Previously on LOST:  Locke and Boone had a lot of scenes together.

  Tonight we begin with the customary eyeball shot as Boone watches his sister being approached by Sayid.  He doesn't look too happy about this.  The focus shifts to Sayid who is bringing Shannon a present for helping him translate Rousseau's maps.  The present, by the way, is a pair of shoes, complete with box.  When he met The Others, they must have had a Lady Foot Locker.  Boone is distracted from his leering by Hurley who would like to know why he and Locke are out "hunting boar" every day but never bringing anything back.  Boone insists that they are hunting.  Hurley insists that they try harder since people gotta eat.

  After he goes back to watching Sayid lay the Middle Eastern charm on Shannon, Boone flashes back to his former country club lifestyle, where he played tennis in the sunshine with beautiful women.  He answers his cell phone- on the other end is a very distressed sounding Shannon.  She tells him that things aren't so good and starts arguing with a man on the other end.  Boone, always the hero, says he will come and get her.  One guess where she is- if you said, Sydney, Australia- you win.

  Back in the present, Boone gives Sayid a "friendly suggestion" to stay away from his sister.  Before Boone can give an answer to "What if I don't?", Locke summons him back into the magical jungle.  Moments later, as they are walking, Locke tells his young friend to put aside his differences with Sayid.  They are going to want him on their side.  Boone doesn't think to ask on their side of what.  Instead, he brings up the fact that people are talking and noticing that they bring nothing back.  Locke dismisses this- there is plenty of other food and what they are doing is more important.  Then he uncovers the brush from their new top priority- the metal hatch they have dug up.  Cue creepy LOST title screen.

  Elsewhere in the jungle, Hurley confides to Jack that he is having some digestive problems.  On a fruit-only diet, we can imagine what those problems might be.  Jack suggests more protein- like the fish that Jin has been catching.  This brings Hurley to his other problem- he feels that Jin was offended by Hurley's rejection of the sea urchin Happy Meal back on Day 1and has made no further offers of fish or even made eye contact.  The conversation ends when the digestive matters become more urgent on Hurley's end and he disappears into the jungle with his handful of leaves.

  Jack then turns his attention to spying on Kate, who of course, is being very shady about what she is up to as she crouches low to the ground collecting something.  She busts him and reveals that she is collecting passion fruit seeds.  He agrees to follow her to see what they are for.  Kate leads him to a small clearing where Sun has started a garden.  Jack congratulates her on a good idea, especially since Locke is no longer providing boar.  Kate speculates that Locke is doing that on purpose.

  Deeper in the jungle, Boone ponders how to get the hatch open, as it is seriously sealed.  When he asks Locke why he is just sitting there mixing something in a bowl, Locke responds with a story about Michelangelo's work habit of just staring at a block of marble for months until he was ready to carve it.  He says that is what they have to do with their hatch problem- work it out in their heads first.  As Locke continues to ponder the question of how to open a hatch with no discernible handle, Boone flashes back to his arrival at Shannon's front door in Sydney.  Unfortunately for him, she has changed her story and tells him to come back tomorrow because she and her man are going out with friends.  No one brings up the large bruise on her forehead.  Boone glares at them both and leaves quietly.

  Back at a more remote beach location than we normally see, Hurley begs Jin, who is making his triumphant return to television,  to tell him where he gets his fish from.  If Jin is not going to give him any, he at least wants to get some on his own.  Jin says something in Korean and walks away.  Hurley speculates that it was mean.

  Walking back from the hatch, Boone says that they have to tell everyone about their find.  Locke disagrees, saying that the others are not ready and wouldn't understand.  Boone at least wants to tell his sister.  Locke disagrees again, but the young man is quite insistent.  After Locke makes sure Boone is aware of the ramifications, he knocks him out with the handle of his knife.

  Boone awakens to find himself tied up and begins to plead with Locke to untie him.  Locke explains that he is doing all this because it is time for Boone to let go of some things.  He takes the contents of his bowl from earlier and spreads it over the wound he created on Boone's head.  Then he tosses a knife at his feet and says he can leave any time he wants as soon as he has the proper motivation.  Boone shouts for him, but Locke has left.  As the camera swirls around him, Boone tries his best to stretch himself within the confines of the ropes and reach the knife.

  Boone distracts himself from his own cries for help by thinking back to his visit to a police station in Sydney.  He is trying to get Shannon's boyfriend arrested for abuse but there is really nothing to go on.  Sawyer has a brief cameo here as he is dragged into a cell screaming that no one wants to hear his side of the story.  The officer questions why Boone and Shannon have different last names- it's because they are step siblings- not even related by blood, which makes it even more impossible for the police to do anything with Boone's complaint.  Boone tries to get help by dropping his mother's name, but only gets mocked for it.  Boone's next move is to visit Brian at the docks where he pays the man off to sever ties with his sister forever.  His love is worth $50,000, which Boone promptly cuts him a check for.

  Back over in the new garden, Kate is telling Sun about the (probably fake) plans she had for herself until fate got in the way.  Sun's smile at Kate's ironic comment quickly turns to dismay when Kate puts it all together and realizes that Sun can understand English.  All Sun can come up with is, "Please don't tell anyone".

  In shallow water, Hurley and Jin are fishing near each other but not together, one having much more success than the other.  Just as Hurley concedes defeat, he steps on a sea urchin and cries in pain from the sting.  Jin comes to his aid but stops short at peeing on the big man's foot, even going so far as to shout "No!" which draws a quizzical look from Hurley.

  Elsewhere, at an undisclosed jungle location, Sayid is trying his best to coordinate himself on Roussaeu's maps but seems to be having little success.  He is startled by Locke, who unconvincingly tells him that Boone gave him the day off.  Locke takes an interest in what Sayid is doing and gives him a compass, which heclaims to not need anymore.

  All that flashing back with film-like accuracy has caused Boone to fall asleep, but his rest is short lived when he hears Shannon screaming for help.  She is also tied up apparently.  The trees begin to tremble and roars are heard as GIM (Giant Invisible Monster) makes his presence known.  At last properly motivated, Boone struggles to stretch himself out and grasp the knife.  He cuts himself free, runs over to cut his sister free and then they duck for cover in some brush as GIM gets louder and draws ever closer.

  In a calmer part of the jungle, Sayid presents an interesting phenomenon to Jack.  The island is apparently not obeying universal laws of nature since the compass points to North in the wrong direction.  Either that or, you know, the compass might be broken.  Sayid suggests this, which seems to put some doubt about Locke into Jack's mind.

  While we're on the subject of Locke bashing, things have quieted down for Boone and Shannon giving Shannon the opening to ask what Boone did to piss the guy off.  She doesn't believe that he would tie her up in the jungle out of boredom.  Boone flashes back to his second arrival at Shannon's door- he is ready to take her away from all this. But when Shannon stays rooted in place next to Brian and can't even look her step-brother in the eye, Boone finally realizes that he has been set up.  Brian helpfully reveals that Shannon feels screwed out of an inheritance Boone's mom kept for herself.  Boone loses his temper and receives a beat down from Brian until Shannon puts a stop to it and lets Boone walk out with just a bloody nose.

  Jack finds Locke sitting on the beach watching for ships and sits down to chat with him.  Their conversation doesn't delve too deep other than Locke fearing that the boars are migrating away from their new human predators.  Elsewhere, Kate agrees to keep Sun's secret, though she cannot understand why Sun wants it that way.  Because she loves her husband is the answer.  Wasn't it obvious, Kate?  You must feel dumb now!

  At the beach, Hurley tries to trick Jin into confirming the rumor that he can speak English by telling him his wife is hot, but either Jin is extremely disciplined about his deception or he really just doesn't.  Hurley then gets a second chance at sea urchin, but spits it out.  Over at the crash site, Jack has moved on to talk to Charlie about how's he doing and what he thinks of Locke.  Charlie reveals his first impression that the guy was a psycho, but goes on to say how he saved his life and that Locke could be the one man on the island to save them all.

  Over in Cavetown, Hurley returns to find Michael looking into a box of secrets and happily watching his son play with Vincent.  Jin brings the big man a fish as an apparent peace offering, then heads over to the falls to be with his wife.  Also, Jack has teleported over to hand Kate some guava seeds.  There was no importance to this exchange- I just wanted to point out that Jack is the real mystery of this island because he can be anywhere and talk to anyone regardless of continuity.  Must have gone to Hogwarts School of Medicine.

  Boone and Shannon are now lost in the jungle and as they argue, Boone breaks down and tells her about the hatch.  That's just bad island karma, my friend, because no sooner does he get done speaking when a tree behind them is uprooted with monstrous force.  GIM is back and the siblings take off running.  Unfortunately, Shannon is not quite fast enough and gets snatched off her feet as Boone looks on in horror.

  As Boone frantically searches the jungle for his sister, he flashes back to when she showed up at his hotel room door to tell him that Brian took the money and ran.  At least he didn't have to shoot a man while robbing his castle.  Shannon speculates that Boone brought the money because he is really in love with her- an accusation he denies until she starts kissing him and kissing him and he starts kissing back and, this not being HBO and just a tad bit creepy anyway, we are faded out of the scene.  In the very next scene, Shannon has sobered up and tells Boone that they'll go home and pretend that the whole night never happened.  Back in the present, Boone finds blood on some rocks which leads him to find Shannon's mangled body on the edge of a stream.  He holds her and cries when he realizes she is dead.  We are down to the final 45.

  I am glad I record until 9:05 EST because we are now into some serious overrun.  Boone has returned to camp at night, brandishing a knife and charging toward Locke.  Locke fights him off and asks where the blood isif Shannon really died in her brother's arms.  Hurting Boone's case even more is the fact that Shannon is standing a few feet away chatting with Sayid at the waterfall.  Boone rightfully wants to know what in the heck is going on.  Locke asks "Is that what it made you see?" and Boone realizes that Locke may have drugged him with the goop on the head earlier.  Locke spins it as an experience vital to Boone's survival.  When Boone found his dead sister, the feeling he tearfully admits having was one of relief.  Now, Locke says, Boone is ready to let go.  And they walk off into the darkness of the jungle at night.  Fade out.  So I guess we're actually back up to 46 survivors with that classic cop-out twist.

ROBOTS

  The song I'm listening to can currently be heard in the latest Pepsi commercial (the band knocks the soda over and the song stops playing).

  Kasey and I had quite an interesting experience at the movie theater yesterday.  We went to the first showing of Robots at 4:30.  First of all, there was no one inside at all.  If the door hadn't been unlocked, I thought the place might not have opened up.  At the ticket window, I got my first sign of life.  Someone was unseen in a back room, talking on the phone.  I am a shy, laid-back person who doesn't draw attention to himself (even when I need something!) so we just stood there and waited for the guy to inevitably look out the door and see that he had a customer. 

  But he didn't.  Instead the voice became angrier and louder- he was arguing over some parking tickets and finally dropped a couple of F-bombs.  I said out loud, "Whoa!"  He apparently heard me so he looked out the door, saw Kasey and put his hand over his mouth- quite embarrassed, he was.  He apologized and assumed we were seeing Ice Princess.  I corrected him and then we were finally on our way into the heart of the theater.

  Made it past the concession stand without buying anything- I truthfully had to tell Kasey that the guy couldn't take my debit card and I had no money left.  That didn't stop her from continually asking for stuff.  I told her the same reason she couldn't have anything every time and every time she would say, "Oh yeah.  I forgot."  She has inherited her father's genius, I tell you.

  This showing of Robots was a private screening.  Kasey and I were the only ones there.  And I don't mean we were the only ones at Robots.  I mean we were the only people in the entire theater.  The door to Ring Two was open when we walked by and that showing was empty.  (Can you call it a "showing" if nobody's there?  Who are you showing it to?)  I didn't feel so bad that Kasey got charged as an adult- this place really needed my full eleven dollars.  I know it's a weekday afternoon, but school was out by then and this is not some rinky dink place on Main Street USA- this is an eight theater movie house standing in the backlot of Wal-mart, Home Depot and BJ's Wholesale.  Methinks the mighty mega Marquee Cinema that opened two towns over is killing this place.  I hope it doesn't close, it's only a mile from my house.

  Kasey looked over her shoulder up at the projection room and yelled, "Hey, I saw a lady up there!"  I turned around and this "lady" running the projector had a full beard.  I explained that some guys have long hair and hoped he didn't hear her.

  So we finally started watching the movie after the marathon of ads (even Kasey started complaining about it).  Anyway, here's my take on the actual film.  It looked great.  I don't even consider that matter when it comes to the digital cartoons anymore.  We have established that they are all going to look amazing so when do we stop being impressed?  Let's just say it's a given that it looked great from now on.

  What does that leave us with?  Plot?  Pretty standard and a tad dull for my tastes, but it held a four-year-old's attention and she is much closer to the target audience than I.  What saves the movie is the sight gags and one-liners.  I laughed several times at parts I hadn't already seen in the commercials.  It was definitely entertaining and I never felt like I had been ripped off.

  What bothered me the most was the voice talent.  Everyone did a great job- that actually wasn't the problem.  My problem, and it could be just MY problem, is that there were too many famous voices.  It was a distraction to the point where I wasn't paying attention to what was going on because I was trying to place a voice.  The villain's first ten minutes were almost lost on me because I was saying, "Who is that?" to myself.  Thank God I correctly came up with Greg Kinnear because it would have driven me nuts for the duration.

  Then there's things that just make no sense.  Ewan McGregor doing an American accent?  What is the point of casting a talented actor and then making sure no one knows who it is unless they read the credits?  Did they sign him on and say, "Oh good, this will bring in the Ewan McGregor crowd?"  I just don't understand the purpose of him being in this movie when you could have maybe slid Robin Williams over to Rodney or gotten someone who wouldn't have to change the way they speak.  Paul Giamatti?  Didn't recognize him- I could have done that squeaky little voice for free.  I did not recognize Jay Leno or Al Roker until I read the credits.  Is it supposed to be funny on its own that these people are doing voices- because nothing they contributed was very funny.  And again, I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE THEM, so why not just do what Pixar does and cast one of the crew members to make a funny voice?  I'm sure it would have saved a lot of money.

  And Halle Berry was completely wasted.  I didn't know she was in it until the opening credits and I forgot she was in it until the closing credits.  What did she have- ten lines?  You could have replaced the Oscar winning actress with Jami Gertz and no one would have noticed or cared. 

  I think what I'm saying is that cartoons are not about the voices.  I don't know any Will Smith fans that couldn't wait until opening day of Shark Tale or anyone who is going to say, 'I'm not going to buy Toy Story 3 for my kids unless Tom Hanks is in it!'.  It just doesn't matter!  Stop worrying about landing the big names and pay more attention to casting the perfect voice for a role.  It would be a lot less distracting and might actually add to the quality of the movie.

*** 3 stars