ROBOTS

  The song I'm listening to can currently be heard in the latest Pepsi commercial (the band knocks the soda over and the song stops playing).

  Kasey and I had quite an interesting experience at the movie theater yesterday.  We went to the first showing of Robots at 4:30.  First of all, there was no one inside at all.  If the door hadn't been unlocked, I thought the place might not have opened up.  At the ticket window, I got my first sign of life.  Someone was unseen in a back room, talking on the phone.  I am a shy, laid-back person who doesn't draw attention to himself (even when I need something!) so we just stood there and waited for the guy to inevitably look out the door and see that he had a customer. 

  But he didn't.  Instead the voice became angrier and louder- he was arguing over some parking tickets and finally dropped a couple of F-bombs.  I said out loud, "Whoa!"  He apparently heard me so he looked out the door, saw Kasey and put his hand over his mouth- quite embarrassed, he was.  He apologized and assumed we were seeing Ice Princess.  I corrected him and then we were finally on our way into the heart of the theater.

  Made it past the concession stand without buying anything- I truthfully had to tell Kasey that the guy couldn't take my debit card and I had no money left.  That didn't stop her from continually asking for stuff.  I told her the same reason she couldn't have anything every time and every time she would say, "Oh yeah.  I forgot."  She has inherited her father's genius, I tell you.

  This showing of Robots was a private screening.  Kasey and I were the only ones there.  And I don't mean we were the only ones at Robots.  I mean we were the only people in the entire theater.  The door to Ring Two was open when we walked by and that showing was empty.  (Can you call it a "showing" if nobody's there?  Who are you showing it to?)  I didn't feel so bad that Kasey got charged as an adult- this place really needed my full eleven dollars.  I know it's a weekday afternoon, but school was out by then and this is not some rinky dink place on Main Street USA- this is an eight theater movie house standing in the backlot of Wal-mart, Home Depot and BJ's Wholesale.  Methinks the mighty mega Marquee Cinema that opened two towns over is killing this place.  I hope it doesn't close, it's only a mile from my house.

  Kasey looked over her shoulder up at the projection room and yelled, "Hey, I saw a lady up there!"  I turned around and this "lady" running the projector had a full beard.  I explained that some guys have long hair and hoped he didn't hear her.

  So we finally started watching the movie after the marathon of ads (even Kasey started complaining about it).  Anyway, here's my take on the actual film.  It looked great.  I don't even consider that matter when it comes to the digital cartoons anymore.  We have established that they are all going to look amazing so when do we stop being impressed?  Let's just say it's a given that it looked great from now on.

  What does that leave us with?  Plot?  Pretty standard and a tad dull for my tastes, but it held a four-year-old's attention and she is much closer to the target audience than I.  What saves the movie is the sight gags and one-liners.  I laughed several times at parts I hadn't already seen in the commercials.  It was definitely entertaining and I never felt like I had been ripped off.

  What bothered me the most was the voice talent.  Everyone did a great job- that actually wasn't the problem.  My problem, and it could be just MY problem, is that there were too many famous voices.  It was a distraction to the point where I wasn't paying attention to what was going on because I was trying to place a voice.  The villain's first ten minutes were almost lost on me because I was saying, "Who is that?" to myself.  Thank God I correctly came up with Greg Kinnear because it would have driven me nuts for the duration.

  Then there's things that just make no sense.  Ewan McGregor doing an American accent?  What is the point of casting a talented actor and then making sure no one knows who it is unless they read the credits?  Did they sign him on and say, "Oh good, this will bring in the Ewan McGregor crowd?"  I just don't understand the purpose of him being in this movie when you could have maybe slid Robin Williams over to Rodney or gotten someone who wouldn't have to change the way they speak.  Paul Giamatti?  Didn't recognize him- I could have done that squeaky little voice for free.  I did not recognize Jay Leno or Al Roker until I read the credits.  Is it supposed to be funny on its own that these people are doing voices- because nothing they contributed was very funny.  And again, I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE THEM, so why not just do what Pixar does and cast one of the crew members to make a funny voice?  I'm sure it would have saved a lot of money.

  And Halle Berry was completely wasted.  I didn't know she was in it until the opening credits and I forgot she was in it until the closing credits.  What did she have- ten lines?  You could have replaced the Oscar winning actress with Jami Gertz and no one would have noticed or cared. 

  I think what I'm saying is that cartoons are not about the voices.  I don't know any Will Smith fans that couldn't wait until opening day of Shark Tale or anyone who is going to say, 'I'm not going to buy Toy Story 3 for my kids unless Tom Hanks is in it!'.  It just doesn't matter!  Stop worrying about landing the big names and pay more attention to casting the perfect voice for a role.  It would be a lot less distracting and might actually add to the quality of the movie.

*** 3 stars