Next up is Lucille, the matriarch of the Bluth family. Lucille's sense of entitlement is rivaled only by her thinly-veiled disdain for her own children. Of all the family members, going broke has been the hardest on her, although it often appears that her lifestyle has not been affected at all.
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Michael: I deceived you, Mom. Trick makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.
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Lucille: Modest and generous? Then why is he always waving giant $10 million checks over his head every time some...?
Michael: Go ahead, Mom, finish the thought. Every time some children’s hospital needs funding?
Lucille: Nonetheless. We could get a giant checkbook, too. We’re just not that starved for attention.
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Lucille: The SEC is making him out to be some kind of mastermind, which believe me, he’s not. The man could barely work our shredder.
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Michael: And what do you need with one of Mom’s furs?
Lindsay: I’m... cold.
Lucille: So am I. No.
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Lucille: I may not have her money anymore, but at least I have a live husband.
Michael: She’s lucky to have you as a friend.
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Lucille: Take it back. If I wanted something your thumb touched, I’d eat the inside of your ear.
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On the next Arrested Development, Michael finds having his mother on the board problematic...
Michael: We have to be courageous.
Lucille: I remember a certain young man who used to say, “But I don’t have bad dreams in your bed.”
Michael: That was Buster.
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Lindsay: Oh, hi, Mom. I have the afternoon free.
Lucille: Really? Did “nothing” cancel?
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Buster: I’m a scholar. I enjoy scholarly pursuits.
Lucille: Suddenly playing with yourself is a scholarly pursuit.
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Jessie: Your father’s religious now? We’ll play that up. It’s very sympathetic.
Lucille: Yeah. Who doesn’t love the Jews?
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Lucille: I don’t criticize you. And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.
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Michael: Hey, Mom. Remember we had that conversation about trying to cut back on things that aren’t necessities?
Lucille: Like it was yesterday.
Michael: It was this morning, and now I hear that you’ve hired a crew for the yacht? I’m selling that yacht.
Lucille: Michael, you haven’t heard why I want it. To throw the most lavish party this town has ever seen for my birthday.
Michael: I enjoy a bicentennial as much as the next guy, Mom, but we’re not doing that.
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Lucille: You’re the only child who chose a spouse I liked, and she’s the one who had to die.
Michael: I know. That’s rough for you.
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Lucille: Luz (the maid), that coat cost more than your house! Oh, that’s how we joke. She doesn’t even have a house.
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Lucille: Don’t you judge me. You’re the selfish one. You’re the one who charged his own brother for a Bluth frozen banana. I mean, it’s one banana, Michael. What could it cost, ten dollars?
Michael: You’ve never actually set foot in a supermarket, have you?
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Maeby: This is so much fun. I can’t believe my mom thought being here would be apunishment.
Lucille: Oh, she thinks I’m too critical. That’s another fault of hers.
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Lucille: I’ll be in the hospital bar.
Michael: Uh, you know there isn’t a hospital bar, Mother.
Lucille: Well, this is why people hate hospitals.
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Lucille: When’s the last time you went on a date?
Michael: I just haven’t met anybody who’s not completely self-absorbed and impossible to have a conversation with.
Lucille: If that’s a veiled criticism about me, I won’t hear it and I won’t respond to it.
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Lucille: He’s a beautiful boy. They don’t appreciate him. It’s his glasses. They make him look like a lizard. Plus he’s self-conscious.
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Lucille: Supposedly, Luz had to take her daughter to the hospital. That’s Lupe, her sister.
Lucille: She’s awful. Can barely wash a dish.
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Michael: So, Mom, I’m trying to find...
Lucille: I don’t know where they are.
Michael: ...these flight records. You know, it’s really more believable if you let me finish.
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George, Sr.: You know, maybe I should confess to these crimes, save everybody the trouble.
Lucille: Oh, get off the mount. You’re coming home guilty or somehow found not guilty.
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Lucille: You're my third least favorite child.
Michael: I can live with that.
1 comment:
yay! i thought i was the only one out there who loves Arrested Development. who knew a show with so much innuendo and NO laugh track could be so hilarious.
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