I was recently visiting my newest and dearest friend Julie's journal and she had put up some Family Guy quotes. I rarely watch that show, but I got quite a few laughs out of it. Therefore, I am totally stealing that idea for a worthy cause. If any of you laugh at even one of these Arrested Development lines and it inspires you to check the show out, then my work here is done. They'll be one more tear shed when the show is inevitably canceled. Most quotes are from The OP (see link to the right). Julie's journal is also linked- but be warned, she is a self-admitted psycho.
I'm going to start with G.O.B (George Oscar Bluth II) because he is my favorite. (His name is pronounced like the biblical Job) GOB, the oldest Bluth son, is a well-meaning, yet self-centered ass. He's also pretty stupid. GOB is a struggling magician and a pathetic gigolo. Regardless of whether he's out for himself or really trying to help the family out, he usually ends up failing.
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Michael: So this is the magic trick, huh?
GOB: Illusion, Michael! A trick is something a whore does for money (notices children watching his act) ...or candy!
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GOB: These guys are pros, Michael. They’re gonna push the tension till the last possible moment before they strip.
Michael: They’re not going to strip, are they?
GOB: I told them not to, but I can’t promise that their instincts won’t kick in.
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GOB: And if I’m going to be staying here...
Lucille: Staying here? What, did that Mexican throw you out?
GOB: She’s not “that Mexican,” Mom. She’s my Mexican. And she’s Colombian or something. Anyway, it’s over.
Lucille: You’ve got three days.
GOB: Hey... if I can’t find a horny immigrant by then, I don’t deserve to stay here.
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GOB:(asking what he can eat on the Atkins diet) What about macaroni...let me finish...salad.
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GOB: (trying to inspire his brother,Buster, to climb the wall in boot camp) Are you going to let that slide? Are you going to allow your children and your children’s children and any children that I might have out there to live in fear for the rest of their lives?! Climb that wall, homo!
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Michael: You know I didn’t set you up, okay? I really think the only reason you and I always fight is that since we were little kids, Dad’s always played us off each other.
GOB: Dad always said that was your fault
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GOB's wife: I’m in love with your brother-in-law.
GOB: You’re in love with your own brother? The one in the army?
GOB's wife: No, your sister’s husband.
GOB: Michael? Michael!
GOB's wife: No, that’s your sister’s brother.
GOB: No, I’m my sister’s brother. You’re in love with me... me.
GOB's wife: I’m in love with Tobias.
GOB's wife: I know it can never be, so I’m leaving. I’m enlisting in the army.
GOB's wife: No!
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GOB: Oh, now you love the Ten Commandments. And yet you’re the one who so conveniently forgot “Thou shalt protect thy father, and honor no one above him unless it beith me- thy sweet Lord.”
Michael: I’m not sure that one made it down the mountain, G.O.B.
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(GOB is trying to hide their father's death from Buster, but is also planning a coffin escape trick to honor him.)
Buster: But why are you doing a coffin trick on Dad’s birthday?
GOB: Black humor. Say, “Hey, Dad. Look at you. You’re a year older... and a year closer to death.”
Buster: Oh, yeah, I guess that’s kind of funny.
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GOB: (reading a list of new ideas for the company that his brother, Michael, has provided him with.) ...“31. Bamboo floor upgrades—cheaper, stronger.” I can’t read this word. “32. Wireless ‘crapability.’ ” That one explains itself. “33.”
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GOB: But I’m the oldest. The matriarch if you will.
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Marta: I love you.
GOB: Great. Now I’m late.
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George-Michael: Uncle GOB! Hey, uh, was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant?
GOB: Oh, yeah, dozens of times.
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GOB: Not as much as I like what’s underneath it.
GOB: No, I need your chair. Get up. I’ve got a letter to write.
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Michael: I can’t believe she got that driver’s license renewed.
GOB: She didn’t. I dummied her up a new one. Not my best work, though. She wanted to look 48. I nearly airbrushed her into oblivion. Ended up checking “albino” in the form.
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George-Michael: You know, it’s so great to be hanging out with you. There are certain things that I can talk to you about that I can’t really with my dad, like, uh... were-were you ever awkward around girls?
GOB: What do you mean? Like if there were three of us and I didn’t know where to start? No, I think I did pretty well. Not a lot of complaints, if you know what I mean. At least not from the girl.
George-Michael: You’re saying I should just be myself?
GOB: And he had to drive her home, so I think I did pretty good. Pretty damn good.
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GOB: So what brings you here, Michael? I hope it’s not for a handout. I run a pretty tight ship around here.
GOB: It’s a gaming ship. I’ve been on cruises like that, Michael. I’ve eaten at the Captain’s table more than once, if you know what I mean.
Michael: I thought I did until you said, ‘if you know what I mean.’
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